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A Computer will solve my problems

5/21/2012

6 Comments

 
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"We're gonna put our money into a computer rather than marriage counseling."  This was a statement from a man with a rather troubled marriage.  "I don't think counseling is going to help us any.  We can spend time together in front of the computer and find good resources there."  I looked at his wife and she, in a rather pie-eyed fashion, gave her tacit permission towards her husband's solution to their many marriage troubles.  He proceeded with a rather lengthy story about how a new, more powerful computer, would be the solution not only to their family woes but also the difficulties in his marriage.  "We will gather around the computer as a family and make our computer a place of bonding, we'll become stronger if we invest in that rather than counseling."  I attempted to protest but he had won his wife over to his point of view.  They cancelled their remaining sessions and I never saw them again.

Do you think the computer helped this marriage?  A computer is amoral.  It is neither evil nor good.  It is what is done with the computer that brings in the morality.

I have been able to watch this man's behavior from a distance and unfortunately, his life has fallen apart.  His wife divorced him.  Several things transpired that she could not live with:  1) he used the computer for watching porn, 2) he used the computer to develop relationships with numerous women with whom he had affairs, 3) he was arrested for having sex with a patient, 4) he was also arrested for domestic violence and 5) he lost his medical license.  

The computer also affected his children.  One of his children became addicted to pornography (from the same computer), another was charged with sexual molestation and must now register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, the rest of his children have completely cut him off, wanting nothing to do with him.

I'm not saying that if they had continued in counseling that everything would have been perfect and these problems would not have occurred but I think it is ironic that the very thing he convinced his wife would solve all of their problems seriously contributed to his moral failure and the subsequent behavior of his family.  I'm also not saying that the computer was his main problem.  His main problem (in spite of claiming the name of Christian) was old-fashioned selfishness.  He was not allowing God to transform him.

I'm writing this to you to ask you a few questions:  

Into what are you pouring your time, energy and money?  
Have you convinced yourself that possessions will bring your happiness?  

Or have you invested your life into accountability, honest relationships and seeking God's will for your life?

God is very clear about His will:   It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.  Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

I have heard that this man is now trying to repair the damage he has done and is trying again to live a life that is pleasing to God.  I find that encouraging.

Please pray for him.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

6 Comments
Steve Hartzell
5/21/2012 01:40:20

I agree we, as Christians, are called to live a pure life, yet, still being sinners, we struggle with subverting our base impulses and elevating Christ as head of our hearts and lives. I think a clarification of how a computer “helps” our lives is needed. Clearly in the case of Dr. John Doe, he rationalized the role of a computer and internet connectivity far beyond what normal humans would assume the equipment to be. Yet a computer can be “helpful” in its ability to quickly access and disseminate information. My spouse in attending an online school, something unheard of a mere 20 years ago, and she uses the computer to access information from the internet, submit papers and communication with fellow students and professors. In this sense, a computer is helpful. When the computer becomes the focal point of interaction, replacing personal interaction, then the computer is “unhelpful”.

Interestingly enough, the same arguments took place over having a television, or even a radio, in one’s household. The television, and I date myself here, was once said to be the root of all that is wrong with the modern family. The TV, similar to your argument about a computer, is amoral and cannot “help” a family to improve its relationships. However, a TV, when proper used as a tool, can facilitate personal conversations within families and even Sunday School classes. The same arguments can be said about a VCR or DVD player; both of which are heavily used in church educational programs.

We, as Christians, are never called to subjugate our intellect in favor of a drone type existence. The Bible reads, as if Christ is speaking directly, “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD…” (Isa 1:18a) and seems to imply we are called to be thinking creatures and not be isolated in either our lives or our relationships. God still says to us in Exodus 20:3 to not have any gods other than Him and in Ex 20:4 not to have a false idol set up before him either. The computer, TV, sports, radio, car magazines or anything that we would put ahead of Him or family relationships is wrong in the eyes of God. The items we allow in our house should be used as tools and, after their proper use, put away to nurture the relationships with others and with God.

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drwayman link
5/21/2012 02:05:44

Steve - I'm pleased that you took the time time to read my blog and even more tickled that you actually commented. And then you commented with great stuff!

I thought that the computer being used for good went without saying because it allows for my blog and your comments XD.

Anyway, you're always welcome here. I relish your comments :-)

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Brian Stout
5/21/2012 07:39:15

Other inferences can be made from this story as well. Setting priorities and making excuses come to mind. The things we "want" become more important than the things we "need." We are willing to sacrifice what is beneficial to us for the love of a thing, lust, or...

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drwayman link
5/21/2012 08:01:06

Good point, Brian :-)

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Steve Hartzell
5/22/2012 01:31:48

Thanks, Dale! I figured I should sound off, especially about the computer issue, as I think of my self as a tech kinda guy.

Still the issue, while understanding your point, is not limited to computers but anything that takes place of God in the household and puts family relationships in second place. I know an individual who worships cars and the whole culture associated with that industry. This behavior borders on obsessive and directly impact his relationship with his wife. Yet another, proported Christian, worships sports, any sports, with more passion than he worships God.

Any and all of these issues place family relationships third, sometimes last, when men prioritize their passions. I am not guiltless in this, but recongnizing the problem goes a long way to correcting the problem.

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drwayman link
5/22/2012 01:53:52

Steve - Your point is well-taken. The problem isn't computers. The problem is not keeping God first and putting family on the back-burner.

You say that you are not guiltless. While I appreciate your humility with that statement, I do believe that you are a good example of a godly husband and father. Many would do well to follow your example.

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