"I got up in the middle of the nite and he was just sitting there on the couch, watching a scrambled TV channel" is what this single mother told me of her teenage son. This was the first indication that she had that her son may have had sexual compulsion issues.
Now, he was sitting in juvenile detention and she was trying to find a counselor to get help for her son. He had been picked up for entering his neighbors apartment without permission.
The neighbor had set a trap for him. She had been noticing that some of her underwear was missing. At first, the neighbor thought that her underwear disappeared in the dryer. However, some times, when she would come home from work, her underwear drawer was in disarray, different from what it was when she left for work in the morning. The police were notified and a hidden camera was in place. Upon reviewing the recording with the police, she identified this young man as the suspect. When the police picked him up, the young man seemed relieved that he was caught. He broke down and told his story.
His upbringing did not reflect anything out of the ordinary, just a father who was absent. After his parents divorced, his mother worked two jobs and his father came around for special occasions but otherwise did not have much contact with him. He wanted manly affection and wasn't getting it from his father. He wanted a mother's affection and she gave him love as she could but was so busy with work and raising him and his older sister.
The young man stated that he was viewing porn with some of his friends and there was one movie about a man who wore women's panties because he liked the way it felt against his genitals. This young man was looking to soothe himself because of the lack of affection he was getting from his family, so he started to get his sisters underwear and found it very sexually stimulating. Next, he was getting up late at nite to watch the Playboy channel on TV. Mom didn't pay for that channel but it still came in scrambled and sometimes he could make out pictures and could hear the sound. While sitting there watching this channel he would masturbate into his sister's panties.
Eventually, this got to be less stimulating so he started fantasizing about a sexual liaison with the neighbor. He found that there was a broken window that the landlord had not fixed that he could easily get into. So, on occasion, he would get into his neighbors apartment and take some underwear. Later, that nite, in front of the TV he would fantasize and masturbate.
You can imagine where this young man's sexual urges may have taken him had he not been stopped by the police. Nevertheless, he entered treatment for his sexual behavior which led to him committing crimes and it appears that a future life of crime was averted. This young man heavily invested himself in treatment.
There were a few things missing from this young man's life that could have helped him not get involved in criminal activity:
1. If his father had taken more of interest in him and spent time with him he may not have craved the affection he so desired
2. If his mother did not have to work two jobs to pay the bills she could have spent more time with him and also had a better handle on his activity
3. This young man was very introverted and did not participate in the social life of his school. If he could have joined sports, the arts, band, journalism, etc that could have helped develop his social skills and also given him interests that weren't so purient.
4. This young man was not involved in a church youth group. The parents of other teens could have served as pseudo-surrogate parents, or the youth pastor could have spent time with him.
These could have helped him develop in a healthy manner.
Ultimately, this young man's behavior is his responsibility. It is easy to blame parents, school, church or society and he came to realize that he was responsible for his own feelings, attitudes and actions. Nevertheless, if these four things had not been missing from his life, he would have had more opportunity to challenge some of his assumptions without having to be forced into treatment.
So, men, we have an important place in our society and our churches. Take the time to note those young men who are struggling and pray for opportunities to influence them.
BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
Now, he was sitting in juvenile detention and she was trying to find a counselor to get help for her son. He had been picked up for entering his neighbors apartment without permission.
The neighbor had set a trap for him. She had been noticing that some of her underwear was missing. At first, the neighbor thought that her underwear disappeared in the dryer. However, some times, when she would come home from work, her underwear drawer was in disarray, different from what it was when she left for work in the morning. The police were notified and a hidden camera was in place. Upon reviewing the recording with the police, she identified this young man as the suspect. When the police picked him up, the young man seemed relieved that he was caught. He broke down and told his story.
His upbringing did not reflect anything out of the ordinary, just a father who was absent. After his parents divorced, his mother worked two jobs and his father came around for special occasions but otherwise did not have much contact with him. He wanted manly affection and wasn't getting it from his father. He wanted a mother's affection and she gave him love as she could but was so busy with work and raising him and his older sister.
The young man stated that he was viewing porn with some of his friends and there was one movie about a man who wore women's panties because he liked the way it felt against his genitals. This young man was looking to soothe himself because of the lack of affection he was getting from his family, so he started to get his sisters underwear and found it very sexually stimulating. Next, he was getting up late at nite to watch the Playboy channel on TV. Mom didn't pay for that channel but it still came in scrambled and sometimes he could make out pictures and could hear the sound. While sitting there watching this channel he would masturbate into his sister's panties.
Eventually, this got to be less stimulating so he started fantasizing about a sexual liaison with the neighbor. He found that there was a broken window that the landlord had not fixed that he could easily get into. So, on occasion, he would get into his neighbors apartment and take some underwear. Later, that nite, in front of the TV he would fantasize and masturbate.
You can imagine where this young man's sexual urges may have taken him had he not been stopped by the police. Nevertheless, he entered treatment for his sexual behavior which led to him committing crimes and it appears that a future life of crime was averted. This young man heavily invested himself in treatment.
There were a few things missing from this young man's life that could have helped him not get involved in criminal activity:
1. If his father had taken more of interest in him and spent time with him he may not have craved the affection he so desired
2. If his mother did not have to work two jobs to pay the bills she could have spent more time with him and also had a better handle on his activity
3. This young man was very introverted and did not participate in the social life of his school. If he could have joined sports, the arts, band, journalism, etc that could have helped develop his social skills and also given him interests that weren't so purient.
4. This young man was not involved in a church youth group. The parents of other teens could have served as pseudo-surrogate parents, or the youth pastor could have spent time with him.
These could have helped him develop in a healthy manner.
Ultimately, this young man's behavior is his responsibility. It is easy to blame parents, school, church or society and he came to realize that he was responsible for his own feelings, attitudes and actions. Nevertheless, if these four things had not been missing from his life, he would have had more opportunity to challenge some of his assumptions without having to be forced into treatment.
So, men, we have an important place in our society and our churches. Take the time to note those young men who are struggling and pray for opportunities to influence them.
BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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