Allowing child molesters in church

6/10/2015

Yesterday, we noted three important factors to consider in regard to those who have a history of molesting children:

1.     As a church we have a responsibility to protect those who cannot protect themselves. Children are very vulnerable.
2.     Statistically, people who commit sexual crimes are rarely truly rehabilitated.
3.     People who commit sexual crimes are very good at making you think that they are rehabilitated when they really aren’t.

I have been professionally counseling men for 30+ years. Many of them for their sexual behavior and many of them appeared to be sincerely Christian men. Yet there have been some that have convinced me that they were totally innocent, that the charges were trumped up and that they were unjustly charged. However, upon further investigation, I found out that they were lying thru their teeth.

My experience has taught me a few things about safeguards. Let me share them with you:

First of all, most churches do this but I have run across some that don't: Every person who works in the church nursery, teaches children's Sunday School/Vacation Bible School, and/or is a Church Camp counselor, needs to sign an agreement to have his* background checked by the local authorities and the FBI. In fact, anyone who has repeated contact with children in any capacity in regard to a church function needs to have a background check.  If you have someone who is working with children and didn't divulge his background, then that person needs to be confronted and the pastor needs to understand why the person felt a need to hide such information. This could very well be a legal as well as a moral and a spiritual issue.

Yet, a person who is truly desirous to fellowship in a church where there are children present,will talk to the pastor about his past before attending church.  It would be advisable for the pastor to let the person know that the board will be informed of his past and that safeguards will be in place. Here are some recommended safeguards:

1. The person will sit up front, to the side, in the congregation. That way the only people he can see are the people on the stage. Also, it keeps him in full visibility of the congregation and pastor.
2. Several men will be appointed to keep an eye on the person. If he gets up to leave for any reason, he will be accompanied by at least one other man.
3. He will never enter the bathroom alone. In fact, it is advisable that the church appoint individuals to make rounds in the church bathrooms and other private/secluded areas of the church before, during and after the service from the time the church is unlocked until it is locked again.
4. He does not need to attend services when children will be up front on the stage for extended periods of time. If he is there, he needs to excuse himself until the children are not up front, or he should just go home.
5. He needs to be active in the Men's Ministry of the church and be accountable to that group of men.
6. He needs to meet with the pastor regularly for counsel, feedback and accountability.
7. He should never be allowed to work with children, in any capacity.
8. He should not be Facebook friends, or any other social media including texting with any minors in the church.

So, it is possible to allow a person with a criminal history of sexually abusing children to worship and fellowship in the church but he must be transparent and be willing to follow the recommended safeguards. If he cannot, then the church can go to where he is and fellowship with him at his home or a neutral location.

Or the obvious..... If you really want to minister to these individuals, consider a service that is for adults only... No minors allowed... Spaced far enough from the other service so that there is time to come and go without interacting with minors.

We don't need to write off these men, they need to grow spiritually as well. And you know, it will decrease child molestation in the long run too...

*The word "his" will be used throughout. The majority of those who sexually offend are males but that does not mean that the church should give an automatic pass to women. Women need to have background checks as well.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

7 Comments

Ann Jones

6/10/2015 00:35:17

I think you have some really great ideas here!! I would like to see a way to increase his exposure to children though, as long as he is accompanied by a "brother's keeper," and as he proves himself capable. The reality is that there are children in this world (thank God!) and we gain many blessings from these kids. Should the offender be able to handle the restrictions for a period of time, I would like for him to be able to see a children's Christmas program or choir piece. Again, nothing too long and no individual involvement. This would not be automatically granted by a set time of good behavior, but agreed on by his accountability managers>

Part of forgiving someone has to be allowing a return to a normal life. Of course, these souls need a new definition of normal, which probably will not allow a lot of private interaction with minors. However, if the offender can handle it, I think he should be given a chance at a life as close to normal as possible. There will always be those that can't do that, but I can't help but thinking that for some, demystifying kids could be a help. Let them be seen as a normal part of reality.

Takes some well trained individuals to help. We have often talked about how willing we would be to do something like this. I hope others will be willing and able as well.

drwayman link

6/10/2015 01:03:41

Ann - Thanks for reading my blog and moreover thanks for commenting. Yes a return to normalcy is preferred, however, I don't think that should be our concern in the church. We need to protect children and feed the molester's soul.

Let the pastor, along with consultation from professional counselors help him in rehabilitation. Our job as members of the church is to help him by not placing him in situations where he could stumble and also to intensely care for him as person who is growing in God's grace.

6/10/2015 01:22:39

I think that there would be no better place for this kind of concern than in the church! If church is truly a "hospital," we are all both patients and therapists. Where there are people that truly care about the offender as well as the children, how could anything be better? Being allowed to do something like this would not be an immediate thing, but being granted due to a trust between the offender and the congregation. I know it is hard to protect some privacy for the offended while still keeping the church informed, but it seems to me that having a couple of men (or women for a woman) to sit with that offender and be the support or guide needed would be wonderful. A lot of men would not go for counseling, but many men, esp those who want to be close to God, would go to church willingly, and probably with a lot of appreciation for this kind of accommodation.

I guess I also hate making hard and fast rules that govern someone forever. To me, it doesn't allow for real restitution. But I am still too much of an idealist!

6/10/2015 06:20:31

Ann - these aren't rules that "govern someone forever." The church community needs to be involved: protecting children & befriending the molester. Molesters need good Christian friends as they often don't have any with which they can be transparent.

In terms of trust, that should be left to the pastor & professional counselors.

Anonymous

6/11/2015 11:08:00

Hi Dr. W.. Although I appreciate your blog greatly, and agree with a vast majority of it, I must disagree or clarify some of what you've stated above. I believe some of the information you've stated can be harmful and understood inaccurately. Not every case is the same with offenders. To categorize them all in one manner without taking each situation on a case by case basis is inappropriate abusive, and can perpetuate harms that the perpetrator is quite possibly seeking soul cleansing from within the church.

"1. As a church we have a responsibility to protect those who cannot protect themselves. Children are very vulnerable."

I agree with this to a point, however the primary responsibility for the safety of the children MUST lie with the parents period. MOST ESPECIALLY when they are out in public. Parents have no business allowing people they do not know extremely well (church member or not) to be alone with their children. We now, sadly, live in a society in which requires us to trust nearly no one, and monitor closer than ever the actions of our children because, tragically, bad things are happening more than ever.

"2. Statistically, people who commit sexual crimes are rarely truly rehabilitated."
Statistically, people who molest children, and I believe that is really what we're discussing here, predominantly perpetrate upon their own family members, and 90% (approximately) never ever re offend. The word "rehabilitated" is extremely subjective.

"3. People who commit sexual crimes are very good at making you think that they are rehabilitated when they really aren’t."
This is called criminality. All Criminals possess this capacity, Some of the best Christians I know are Hardened Criminals. There are dishonest, manipulative people everywhere.

1. The person will sit up front, to the side, in the congregation. That way the only people he can see are the people on the stage. Also, it keeps him in full visibility of the congregation and pastor.

Why are we singling this poor, sick person out?

2. Several men will be appointed to keep an eye on the person. If he gets up to leave for any reason, he will be accompanied by at least one other man.

It has been my experience, that most of these men take a "Vigilante" approach to this task. People who offend are segregated in prison for just this reason. Because many people are ignorant about this topic, and, as well, most offenders have had some form of sexual predation occur to them. "Hurt people, hurt people" and again, my experience is that most of the people who struggle with anger or fear toward the offender, most often have unresolved sexual issues of their own. These people also, sadly, tend to be the first to "volunteer" to "watch the pervert to make sure he doesn't hurt the kiddies".

Also, and I know you know this, many Women are perpetrators as well, and they often go unnoticed under the auspices of being a "nice little old lady".

3. He will never enter the bathroom alone. In fact, it is advisable that the church appoint individuals to make rounds in the church bathrooms and other private/secluded areas of the church before, during and after the service from the time the church is unlocked until it is locked again.

I agree with the "bathroom monitor" idea, however, again, are we teaching true forgiveness? Or are we saying your forgiven, but you cannot be trusted to go to the bathroom by yourself.
Again, I hold that the first and last point of safety lies with parents teaching children that are of age to "potty alone", appropriate boundaries and safety skills.

4. He does not need to attend services when children will be up front on the stage for extended periods of time. If he is there, he needs to excuse himself until the children are not up front, or he should just go home.
Seriously? And, what if one of them is his child whom he is attempting to heal the family unit with? And what of the cases where he has no stipulations what so ever, in his release that state he cannot be around children as is quite often the case?
As well, the only way you, as pastor or anyone else will know those stipulations, is to be in constant contact with his Probation or parole officer. Remember, these are manipulative liars...

5. He needs to be active in the Men's Ministry of the church and be accountable to that group of men.
See "vigilante-ism" above ..... and again, women cause harm as well. It's my experience that most people, men and women, cannot be trusted to find forgiveness with this issue, and that most cannot be trusted to not be hostile, abusive, gossipy, slanderous, and violent. Trust MUST be earned before most will share their past information.

6. He needs to meet with the pastor regularly for counsel, feedback and accountability.
Again, trust is earned. Some of the most righteous people I've ever met, have behaved the most horridly regarding this topic.

7. He should never be allowed to work with c

6/11/2015 11:27:13

Dear Anonymous - Thanks for reading my blog and moreover, thanks for making such thoughtful comments. I noticed your comments stopped at 7... I wonder if that means my blog cut you off? If it did, my apologies.

You mention that every case is the same with abusers. True. I have a couple of friends that have been convicted of abuse of a child. Sad, because they have really turned their lives around yet the law still treats them as if they molested the child yesterday, in spite of it being one child and decades ago.

Note that these recommendations are a starting place, things can change over time as the person earns trust and grows in Christ.

I agree with you in #1

You have some question about #2... Here are some stats kinda in support of your concern: "Sex offenders were less likely than non-sex offenders to be rearrested for any offense—43 percent of sex offenders versus 68 percent of non-sex offenders. But sex offenders were about four times more likely than non-sex offenders to be arrested for another sex crime after their discharge from prison—5.3 percent of sex offenders versus 1.3 percent of non-sex offenders." (Bureau of Justice Statistics: http://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/press/rsorp94pr.cfm)

However, there is this competing research: "The fact is that the 265,000 convicted sex offenders under the authority of corrections represents only 10% of sex offenders. (Greenfield, 1997, US Dept of Justice, Bureau of Justice Stats). This means that 90% are not getting the help that they need.

Regarding your concern for #3, consider this: One complicating factor in rehabilitation is honesty. For example, Robert Prentky, PhD, who is the director of research for Justice Resource Institute in Bridgewater, MA, reminds us that "if you reveal in the course of treatment that you've done all sorts of things that the criminal justice system is unaware of, you place yourself at substantially increased risk of not being released or facing stricter regulation after release." (See APA Monitor, July/August 2003, Vol 34, No. 7) So, that means, that stats on the offender population are highly suspect.

Nevertheless, I do agree that there are some convicted of child molestation that do not possess criminal thinking and are totally honest about their offense.

I'll address more of your response subsequently :)

6/11/2015 11:38:26

Anonymous - You ask, "are we singling this poor sick person out?" Not at all, the congregation doesn't need to know, just a select few. By having him up there, if something happened in the church (there are molesters who haven't been caught) then he could not be blamed.

You said, "my experience is that most of the people who struggle with anger or fear toward the offender, most often have unresolved sexual issues of their own. These people also, sadly, tend to be the first to "volunteer" to "watch the pervert to make sure he doesn't hurt the kiddies"." You won't get much disagreement from me on that concern, you certainly are correct, at least in my observation.

You stated, "I agree with the "bathroom monitor" idea, however, again, are we teaching true forgiveness? Or are we saying your forgiven, but you cannot be trusted to go to the bathroom by yourself." This serves a dual purpose: 1) to protect children, and 2) to protect the molesters reputation.

You also said, "If he is there, he needs to excuse himself until the children are not up front, or he should just go home.
Seriously?" Yes, seriously. Remember, we are just starting out here. Thru care by the pastor and his counselor, that time will increase as his thinking about children changes.

I would hope that a community of caring Christians wouldn't ostracize him but rather protect him by speaking with him, praying for him and spending time with him, knowing that he desires to be more like Christ.

If a church has people in it that ostracize individuals who are honest about their sins, then they are not a true church. Remember, Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard because he spent time with all those sinful people...

I refer you to a blog post that pastor recently wrote: http://www.ironstrikes.com/2/post/2013/09/the-truth-about-my-church-and-others.html

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Allowing child molesters in church

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