Yesterday was my wife's birthday, a real milestone as far as birthdays go. I won't tell you her real age, but she looks about 35. If you look at the picture, I'm sure you will agree. I'm 51, and I have been asked before about my "daughter" as we have been out traveling. We've been married 29 years and over the years I've struggled with this question, "Did God make Karyn just for me and me for her?" I haven't asked this question out of doubt of our love for each other, I have asked it out of a genuineness of wondering about God's compassionate care for people. Is there always someone God has planned for someone?
Over the years, we have had our disagreements, our joys, our hard times, and our good times. When the disagreements come, I wonder, "If we're made for each other, then why can't we see eye to eye on this simple issue?" (BTW - I've noticed most disagreements are over little issues. That makes sense, because we agree on the big issues, if we didn't we wouldn't have gotten married.) Even though we had very similar upbringings, it seems like, sometimes, we are from different planets, even after 29 years of marriage. Our perspectives can be so different.
When we were first married, I really, truly believed that we were made for each other, that God made our lives to be intermeshed, that our love for each other was God's perfect will for our lives. After years of doing marriage counseling, I have come to appreciate her more. But also marriage counseling makes me wonder if God does make couples for each other. I have heard people say, "getting married was a mistake." When I hear a couple say that, I ask, "so the children you have together are a mistake? I hardly think so, nor do I believe God thinks that."
Nevertheless, the years of marriage counseling has taken its toll on my belief that we were made for each other.
I have come to a general conclusion. Are Karyn and I made for each other?
I don't know. Sometimes, it feels like it, sometime is doesn't.
Maybe you were expecting something profound. But I can't tell you exactly, fer shure, how God works. If someone thinks they got God all figured out, then they have made a god who is a figment of their imagination.
As I've gotten older, I've become comfortable with a moderate amount of ambiguity. I've learned that solid conclusions are not always to be found in life.
I do have solid conclusions about these two things though:
1) I'm glad that I married this wonderful woman.
2) I have never doubted my love for her and her love for me.
To get to my final conclusion, when we met, there was obvious chemistry. We really wanted to be with each other. We didn't look back with doubt. We knew we wanted to be together.
We were young and faced with a choice. Do we continue to pursue intimacy and get married or do we go our separate ways?
I think it is this choice that reflects one's love for God.
Whether God made us for each other is debatable. However, the choice was not whether we were to choose each other...
The REAL choice was intimacy.
When faced with the option to love or not love, we chose love. We continue to choose love.
In choosing love, we reflect what God desires.
God's desire is for intimacy. An intimacy with Him that is reflected in our relationships.
By choosing to love God, we could choose to love each other. By trusting God, we could trust each other. By choosing to share our lives with each other, we choose to put God first. All of these things lead to intimacy. A deep love, affection, desire.
A choice to pursue intimacy.
Happy birthday sweetheart.
Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Our love has taught me much about relationships and about God and His love.
BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
Over the years, we have had our disagreements, our joys, our hard times, and our good times. When the disagreements come, I wonder, "If we're made for each other, then why can't we see eye to eye on this simple issue?" (BTW - I've noticed most disagreements are over little issues. That makes sense, because we agree on the big issues, if we didn't we wouldn't have gotten married.) Even though we had very similar upbringings, it seems like, sometimes, we are from different planets, even after 29 years of marriage. Our perspectives can be so different.
When we were first married, I really, truly believed that we were made for each other, that God made our lives to be intermeshed, that our love for each other was God's perfect will for our lives. After years of doing marriage counseling, I have come to appreciate her more. But also marriage counseling makes me wonder if God does make couples for each other. I have heard people say, "getting married was a mistake." When I hear a couple say that, I ask, "so the children you have together are a mistake? I hardly think so, nor do I believe God thinks that."
Nevertheless, the years of marriage counseling has taken its toll on my belief that we were made for each other.
I have come to a general conclusion. Are Karyn and I made for each other?
I don't know. Sometimes, it feels like it, sometime is doesn't.
Maybe you were expecting something profound. But I can't tell you exactly, fer shure, how God works. If someone thinks they got God all figured out, then they have made a god who is a figment of their imagination.
As I've gotten older, I've become comfortable with a moderate amount of ambiguity. I've learned that solid conclusions are not always to be found in life.
I do have solid conclusions about these two things though:
1) I'm glad that I married this wonderful woman.
2) I have never doubted my love for her and her love for me.
To get to my final conclusion, when we met, there was obvious chemistry. We really wanted to be with each other. We didn't look back with doubt. We knew we wanted to be together.
We were young and faced with a choice. Do we continue to pursue intimacy and get married or do we go our separate ways?
I think it is this choice that reflects one's love for God.
Whether God made us for each other is debatable. However, the choice was not whether we were to choose each other...
The REAL choice was intimacy.
When faced with the option to love or not love, we chose love. We continue to choose love.
In choosing love, we reflect what God desires.
God's desire is for intimacy. An intimacy with Him that is reflected in our relationships.
By choosing to love God, we could choose to love each other. By trusting God, we could trust each other. By choosing to share our lives with each other, we choose to put God first. All of these things lead to intimacy. A deep love, affection, desire.
A choice to pursue intimacy.
Happy birthday sweetheart.
Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Our love has taught me much about relationships and about God and His love.
BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.
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