Search this site
IRONSTRIKES
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Beliefs
  • Formation
  • For Women
  • Meetings & Events

Giving of Yourself:  Selfishness in Reverse

11/23/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
“Selfish people are, by definition, those whose activities are devoted to bringing themselves happiness. Yet, at least as judged by others, these selfish people are far less likely to be happy than those whose efforts are devoted to making others happy.” – Dr. Bernard Rimland, Ph.D.

What does it mean to be self-giving? I (Les) like to think of it as selfishness in reverse. It’s a quality we must have if we want to love like Jesus did. Selflessness gives without the expectation of repayment or appreciation. It’s something we extend out of kindness and compassion.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in self-interest. If we’re honest, most of us struggle with being selfish. But self-giving can bring us tremendous joy–more than we ever thought possible. The key is learning how to break our habit of putting our interests first and shed the fear of missing out on our own wants.

How can we learn to put others’ needs first and practice self-giving in our everyday lives?

CULTIVATE EMPATHY

When we practice empathy, we put ourselves in another person’s shoes in order to imagine how they feel and think. If we’re not used to relating to people this way, it can take a little time to develop empathy into a habit.

As we begin to pay closer attention to the people around us, empathizing with them tends to have a snowball effect:
  • We gain new perspectives on their lives and struggles that we never had before
  • Then, we begin learning how to treat them the way we would want to be treated if we were in their shoes
  • We’re able to learn how to turn our full focus on the people who need us, becoming more attentive as we do so
  • Then, we can grow more comfortable playing second fiddle while we help meet those needs
  • We learn generosity–and how to love others as we love ourselves
  • Finally, we begin to put other people’s needs before our own
When empathy becomes a habit, it changes every aspect of how we approach our lives and the people in them.

DO SMALL THINGS WITH GREAT LOVE

Self-giving isn’t necessarily about doing a complete 180 and giving up ourselves entirely. It’s not about self-denial or giving up our own goals, rights, and dreams. Instead, it’s all about being willing to put others first–even in small ways.
We might think every act of self-giving should be earth-shaking. But it can be as simple as:
  • Encouraging your friend who didn’t land the job she wanted
  • Generously tipping a server who appears to be having a rough time
  • Offering to unload an elderly person’s groceries in the rain
Self-giving means living our lives in a way that promotes service over status. Take Jesus, for example. He tells us in scripture that He came to serve–not be served. One of my favorite examples of Jesus’s self-giving is the story of how He washed His disciples’ feet himself. It was a premeditated act of service–and a beautiful one. It was a small thing done with great love.

GO THE EXTRA MILE

In Jesus’s time, Roman law required young boys to help carry the packs of Roman soldiers one mile from where they lived. This gave soldiers a rest from carrying their gear, but it was hard work for the boys who helped them. In order to only fulfill the law’s minimum requirements, boys would often place a stake one mile from their house so that they’d know when to stop carrying the pack.

But Jesus referenced this mile in one of His sermons, encouraging followers to go an extra mile if they were forced to carry a soldier’s pack (Matthew 5:41). In other words, do more than is expected of you. This is a guaranteed way to give of yourself every day.

DON’T KEEP SCORE

We’re not truly selfless if we keep a tally of all the things we’ve done for people–and the things we expect from them in return for said favors. Keeping score is a surefire way to ruin a relationship. It means you’re keeping your self-interest front-and-center, while acting in ways that suggest otherwise.

If you really want to be self-giving, don’t pay attention to how much you’ve done. Don’t keep track. And don’t expect anything in return.

WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW TO LOVE LIKE JESUS?

In my new book, Love Like That, we take a deep dive into 5 ways Jesus loved, and how to love like Him in our own lives. To get free access to chapter 1, a 30-day devotional study, a copy of the Deep Love assessment, and more, pre-order your copy today.

If you’d like to join the Love Like That launch team, sign up here.

When we stop fighting to get our own way all the time, and when we learn to reverse our selfishness, we find our life. How have you found yours? Share your examples of self-giving (or the people in your lives who have made an impression through giving) in the comments section.

This post was written by Dr Les Parrott.  For his original post, go to:  www.symbis.com/blog/selfishness-in-reverse-how-to-lovingly-give-more-of-yourself/



0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Rules for commenting:

    1.  Be respectful  
    2.  Refer to rule #1

    All comments may not be approved.

    Note that many identifying details about individuals in these posts are not accurate.  Their identity is protected, except for those individuals who are being honored or are public figures.

    RSS Feed

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Categories

    All
    Abortion
    Abraham
    Abstinence
    Abuse
    Accountability
    Adam
    Adam Yauch
    Addictions
    Admiration
    Adultery
    Affair
    Amos
    Angels
    Anger
    Anniversary
    Anoint
    Anonymous
    Anxiety
    Atheism
    Avoidant
    Bad Boy
    Battle
    Beastie Boys
    Beautiful
    Bestiality
    Betrayal
    Bird
    Blame
    Bobby Petrino
    Bondage
    Book Review
    Brian Head Welch
    Brothel
    B.T. Roberts
    Camping
    Cancer
    Challenge
    Change
    Chaotic
    Character
    Children
    Choice
    Christmas
    Church
    Church Camp
    Closed Door
    Compulsions
    Confession
    Confident
    Control
    Courage
    Covenant
    Creator
    Crown
    Crucifixion
    Darkness
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Demons
    Depression
    Detachment
    Devotions
    Dez Bryant
    Differences
    Dilemma
    Dirty
    Discipleship
    Disgusting
    Divorce
    Domestic Violence
    Domination
    Doubt
    Dreams
    Dr Hart8bb80a7b00
    Dwayne Allen
    Dysfunction
    Easter
    Eden
    Ego
    Eleazar
    Elitism
    Empty
    Envy
    Ephesians
    Equality
    Erectile Dysfunction
    Esau
    Eternity
    Euthanasia
    Evil
    Exhibitionism
    Eyes
    Facebook
    Faithfulness
    Fantasy
    Fasting
    Father
    Favorites
    Fear
    Fellatio
    Fighting
    Fishing
    Flashing
    Flattery
    Flesh
    Force
    Forgiveness
    Gentleman
    Girls Gone Wild
    G.K. Chesteron
    Goals
    God
    Good Friday
    Grace
    Gratitude
    Greek
    Guard
    Guilt
    Heart
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hell
    Henri Nouwen
    Histrionic
    Hogging
    Holiness
    Hollow
    Honesty
    Honor
    Hope
    Humility
    Humor
    Ichabod
    Idols
    Impurity
    Individuality
    Input
    Insane Clown Posse
    Integrity
    Intent
    Intimacy
    Isaac
    Islam
    Jack Schaap
    Jamaica
    Jealousy
    Jimmy Needham
    Job
    Joy
    J.R.R. Tolkien
    Judgmentalism
    Justice
    Kindness
    King David
    Kittens
    Komboloib7e292a311
    Korn
    Larry Norman
    Leave It To Beaver
    Lies
    Light
    Listening
    Loneliness
    Love
    Lust
    Lying
    Macho
    Manners
    Marriage
    Masculinity
    Masturbation
    Maturity
    Mca
    Meditation
    Messianic
    Meticulous
    Mighty
    Missions
    Money
    Monogamy
    Moses
    Motivations
    Movies
    Music
    Normal
    Obedience
    Obscenity
    Open Door
    Parenting
    Passiveaggressive2ed940c88b
    Pastor
    Path
    Perfection
    Personality Disorders
    P.O.D.
    Politics
    Pornography
    Pornograpy
    Power
    Practical
    Prayer
    Predator
    Prejudice
    Premature Ejaculaton
    Preparation
    Pride
    Problems
    Promises
    Protection
    Providence
    Purity
    Quechua
    Quiz
    Racism
    Regret
    Religious
    Repentance
    Reputation
    Research
    Respect
    Responsibility
    Rest
    Resurrection
    Revival
    Righteousness
    Robots
    Roughhousing
    Routine
    Rules
    Rut
    Sabbath
    Sacrifice
    Sadism
    Salvation
    Sanctification
    Satisfaction
    Selfishness
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Service
    Sex
    Sexism
    Sexuality
    Sexual Response
    Sexual Response
    Shame
    Sin
    Singing
    Snobbery
    Soldier
    Sovereignty
    Stalking
    Stephen Hawking
    Step-parenting
    Strong
    Success
    Succubus
    Suicide
    Swearing
    Sword
    Teenagers
    Temper
    Temptation
    Tenth Ave North
    Testing
    Theology
    Thinking
    Thomas Cogswell Upham
    Tim Tebow
    Tournament Male
    Tradition
    Trafficking
    Trapped
    Trauma
    Triggers
    Trust
    Truth
    U2
    Uncle Buddy
    Unity
    Violence
    Virtue
    Vulnerability
    Warrior
    Watchman Nee
    Waywardness
    What Is A Man
    Women
    Worry
    Worship
    Wussification
    Year In Review
    Zombies

    Archives

    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

IRONSTRIKES

Men Forging Men