Search this site
IRONSTRIKES
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Beliefs
  • Formation
  • For Women
  • Meetings & Events

Pursuing your wife

9/3/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
Scripture is pretty clear on how men should love their wives—like Jesus loved and served the Church (Eph. 5:24).  Christ, in his pursuit of us, gave his life for us.  Jesus sets the stage from the beginning concerning what this pursuit should look like, so why do we have so many dudes in our churches that are failing in this endeavor?


There is no other relationship, in any other environment in this world, which so closely reflects Christ and the Church.  There is no other replacement for you as a husband.  There are no audibles you can call.  There are no other options.  You are option one.  You are the only one that can make her feel loved, cherished, pursued, and valued.  It’s all you.  There’s no one else.  Period.

Therefore, because we are men, and because we are husbands, and because no one else can pursue our wives for us, we need to begin to act like our marriages are the number one aims of our lives.  Therefore, we must begin to embrace a war-like posture in this arena.  We can’t go into the game soft, sluggish, and pudgy.  Our marriages are under attack.  No one can fight for your marriage except you.

This series hopes to do just that—encourage you, equip you, and spur you on to a greater drive in how you pursue your bride.  If you are a single guy reading this series, then I pray you begin to add some much needed weaponry to your arsenal, as maybe you will one day be in the position of a husband who is ready to go to war on pursing your bride.

As we move forward in this series, there will be some really good stuff to chew on, apply, and amen, so I don’t want to pave the road here that someone else is paving, but I do want to give you a few practical tips even in this beginning post about how we can begin to do work on the most prodigious pursuit of our lives.

Are you ready for this?

PURSUE YOUR WIFE SPIRITUALLY

Above all else, pursue Jesus.  From your pursuit of him, everything else will follow (Jn. 15:5).  The wrong thing to do here, I think, is to function as a pastor (or mentor) to your wife.  Many people err on this, thinking they have to sit down and do exegetical bible studies with their wives and family every single morning, teaching them and equipping them, as a pastor would his church.

There is an aspect of “love your wife as Christ loved the Church” in this thought, but I think it begins more with you, as the husband, and I think it ends with you, too.  Here’s what I mean: Before all else, focus on your relationship with Jesus, not your wife’s relationship with Jesus.  Focus on your prayer life.  Focus on your heart.

When it is real and genuine, and not out of obligation or duty, then your wife will follow suit.  When it feels more manufactured than anything else, then you need to reevaluate and go do some work with God.

So, have a fervent prayer life by yourself, and then go pray with your wife.

Get up early and get in the Word, and then read Scripture with your wife.

PURSUE HER EMOTIONALLY

Often times, men fail here in big ways.  My pastor, Trent Stewart, calls this face-to-face time.  Other people have called it quality time, as opposed to quantity time.  In other words, we do spend time with our wives but only in a quantity form or side-by-side way.

We come home from work after long days at the office, eat dinner, tuck the kids in bed, and then crash out of exhaustion.  We either veg-out in front of the television or our iPhone screens.  Instead, try veg-ing in front of one another.  Close the computer.  Turn off the television.  Put away your iPhone.

Get in each other’s faces—just brush a little bit first.

Men, I say this with emphasis:  We MUST have face-to-face time with our wives.  We have to connect with them emotionally.  We have to be able to open up to them, have them open up to us, and then try our best to not “fix” them.  Face-to-face time is not about us coming to their rescue concerning all of their problems.  It’s about real, authentic, one-on-one time about life, family, and anything and everything else you want to discuss.  That is a series in and of itself right there.

PURSUE HER PHYSICALLY

I shouldn’t have to encourage you here, right?  Wrong!  So many marriages are failing in this area as husbands and wives resort to being roommates, instead of one another’s sacred beloved (Song of Sol. 6:5).  Pursuing our wives means we pursue them face-to-face—both emotionally and physically.  What is more, when we pursue our wives emotionally and spiritually, that often sets the stage for intimacy in the bedroom.

Don’t be the guy who comes out of the shower buck naked with a cape trying to pull off the Captain Morgan pose and think that’s going to work.

Believe me, it doesn’t.

Again, it starts with Jesus.  It’s all about him.  Sex is a gift from God, and when used in the right context, it can be the most joyful experience and gift in your marriage.

It doesn’t come easy, though.

PURSUE HER PRACTICALLY

Finally, you have to pursue your wife practically.  First of all, you have to go on dates.  If you have multiple kids, then dating is much harder.  You have to be proactive in finding a babysitter, etc.  It becomes a littler bit more work, then.  When you don’t have kids, it’s a little bit easier, but still a good bit of work.  It takes a man with a little bit of drive to continue to pursue his wife after their marriage vows—kids or no kids.

Additionally, you have to plan family vacations.  Make sure that’s the first thing on the calendar.  Plan them early in the year, ask off for them early, and have a vacation every single year.  I would encourage married couples with kids to get away at least 2-3 times a year together.  I know that might seem like a little bit of work, because it is, but don’t neglect the intentional face-to-face time you need to have for extended amounts of time.

Get away and have fun together—like you once did.

CONCLUSION

There is no “how to” manual here, and this is not a “do this and your marriage will succeed” article (or series).  It is, however, something in which I think we can all do better.  We can all pursue our wives in greater ways spiritually, emotionally, physically, and practically.

And as a final thought, maybe we can pursue them randomly at times, too.

When was the last time flowers randomly showed up for your wife in the middle of the day?

When was the last time you randomly bought her a gift?

When was the last time you randomly had an adventure together?

When was the last time you randomly had incredible, spontaneous sex?

When was the last time you randomly cleaned the entire house for her?

When was the last time you randomly did something she loves to do?

This post was written by Greg Gibson.  You can find his original post here:  http://cbmw.org/men/manhood/pursuing-your-wife-embracing-a-war-like-posture/


0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Rules for commenting:

    1.  Be respectful  
    2.  Refer to rule #1

    All comments may not be approved.

    Note that many identifying details about individuals in these posts are not accurate.  Their identity is protected, except for those individuals who are being honored or are public figures.

    RSS Feed

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Categories

    All
    Abortion
    Abraham
    Abstinence
    Abuse
    Accountability
    Adam
    Adam Yauch
    Addictions
    Admiration
    Adultery
    Affair
    Amos
    Angels
    Anger
    Anniversary
    Anoint
    Anonymous
    Anxiety
    Atheism
    Avoidant
    Bad Boy
    Battle
    Beastie Boys
    Beautiful
    Bestiality
    Betrayal
    Bird
    Blame
    Bobby Petrino
    Bondage
    Book Review
    Brian Head Welch
    Brothel
    B.T. Roberts
    Camping
    Cancer
    Challenge
    Change
    Chaotic
    Character
    Children
    Choice
    Christmas
    Church
    Church Camp
    Closed Door
    Compulsions
    Confession
    Confident
    Control
    Courage
    Covenant
    Creator
    Crown
    Crucifixion
    Darkness
    Death
    Deception
    Decision
    Demons
    Depression
    Detachment
    Devotions
    Dez Bryant
    Differences
    Dilemma
    Dirty
    Discipleship
    Disgusting
    Divorce
    Domestic Violence
    Domination
    Doubt
    Dreams
    Dr Hart8bb80a7b00
    Dwayne Allen
    Dysfunction
    Easter
    Eden
    Ego
    Eleazar
    Elitism
    Empty
    Envy
    Ephesians
    Equality
    Erectile Dysfunction
    Esau
    Eternity
    Euthanasia
    Evil
    Exhibitionism
    Eyes
    Facebook
    Faithfulness
    Fantasy
    Fasting
    Father
    Favorites
    Fear
    Fellatio
    Fighting
    Fishing
    Flashing
    Flattery
    Flesh
    Force
    Forgiveness
    Gentleman
    Girls Gone Wild
    G.K. Chesteron
    Goals
    God
    Good Friday
    Grace
    Gratitude
    Greek
    Guard
    Guilt
    Heart
    Heaven
    Hebrew
    Hell
    Henri Nouwen
    Histrionic
    Hogging
    Holiness
    Hollow
    Honesty
    Honor
    Hope
    Humility
    Humor
    Ichabod
    Idols
    Impurity
    Individuality
    Input
    Insane Clown Posse
    Integrity
    Intent
    Intimacy
    Isaac
    Islam
    Jack Schaap
    Jamaica
    Jealousy
    Jimmy Needham
    Job
    Joy
    J.R.R. Tolkien
    Judgmentalism
    Justice
    Kindness
    King David
    Kittens
    Komboloib7e292a311
    Korn
    Larry Norman
    Leave It To Beaver
    Lies
    Light
    Listening
    Loneliness
    Love
    Lust
    Lying
    Macho
    Manners
    Marriage
    Masculinity
    Masturbation
    Maturity
    Mca
    Meditation
    Messianic
    Meticulous
    Mighty
    Missions
    Money
    Monogamy
    Moses
    Motivations
    Movies
    Music
    Normal
    Obedience
    Obscenity
    Open Door
    Parenting
    Passiveaggressive2ed940c88b
    Pastor
    Path
    Perfection
    Personality Disorders
    P.O.D.
    Politics
    Pornography
    Pornograpy
    Power
    Practical
    Prayer
    Predator
    Prejudice
    Premature Ejaculaton
    Preparation
    Pride
    Problems
    Promises
    Protection
    Providence
    Purity
    Quechua
    Quiz
    Racism
    Regret
    Religious
    Repentance
    Reputation
    Research
    Respect
    Responsibility
    Rest
    Resurrection
    Revival
    Righteousness
    Robots
    Roughhousing
    Routine
    Rules
    Rut
    Sabbath
    Sacrifice
    Sadism
    Salvation
    Sanctification
    Satisfaction
    Selfishness
    Self Love
    Self-love
    Service
    Sex
    Sexism
    Sexuality
    Sexual Response
    Sexual Response
    Shame
    Sin
    Singing
    Snobbery
    Soldier
    Sovereignty
    Stalking
    Stephen Hawking
    Step-parenting
    Strong
    Success
    Succubus
    Suicide
    Swearing
    Sword
    Teenagers
    Temper
    Temptation
    Tenth Ave North
    Testing
    Theology
    Thinking
    Thomas Cogswell Upham
    Tim Tebow
    Tournament Male
    Tradition
    Trafficking
    Trapped
    Trauma
    Triggers
    Trust
    Truth
    U2
    Uncle Buddy
    Unity
    Violence
    Virtue
    Vulnerability
    Warrior
    Watchman Nee
    Waywardness
    What Is A Man
    Women
    Worry
    Worship
    Wussification
    Year In Review
    Zombies

    Archives

    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

IRONSTRIKES

Men Forging Men