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Reduce fighting by 85%

3/12/2012

6 Comments

 
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The number one thing that kids say that they don't like about their parents?   

         WHEN PARENTS YELL

One time, when my son was young, he came into the house and I stopped him on the front porch.  I don't remember what he did but I was madder than a hornet.  I was yelling at him and I heard my voice go across the street, hit the neighbor's house and come back and hit me in the face.  I sounded so stupid.  I was embarrassed.  I stopped yelling and told him that we would talk later when I was calmer.  

There is a simple principle that research has shown that reduces fights between parents and their kids.  This principle, is called the three T's.  If you follow these three T's, research indicates that  you will reduce fighting with your kids by 85%

T - Topic - When you have a disagreement with your child, concentrate on one topic.   Don't stray into other topics.  Stay on topic.  Tackle one thing at a time.

T - Timing - When you have a disagreement with your child, do it at a time when you can concentrate on the topic.  Do it at a time when you are not distracted by the phone, tv, etc.

T - Temper - If you can control your anger, the disagreement will be greatly lessened. 

In fact, research shows that the third T, temper, is the most important of the three.  God confirms this as well, "A man who controls his temper is better than a warrior who conquers a city."   

Interestingly, a few years later, my son was watching a performance where I   yelled in anger at another person on stage.  He turned to my wife (his mother) after I yelled and said, "I don't ever remember Dad yelling before."  When my wife told me that later, I was ecstatic.  He didn't remember my temper.  He recalled me as an even-tempered man.

So, I challenge you.  Control yourself and reduce fighting with your kids.
Follow the Three T's.  You'll be glad you did and so will your children.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

6 Comments
Peter Pike link
3/12/2012 01:40:41

I imagine this would be an effective strategy with a spouse too.

Reply
drwayman link
3/12/2012 08:13:10

Peter - Yes, I would think this is an effective marital strategy. I will be doing a couple posts next week about marriage and communication. Maybe you will like them :-)

Reply
Peter Pike link
3/12/2012 08:55:12

I look forward to it! :-)

Dave Allen
3/12/2012 02:33:44

I am working on this now. I have found that volume does not replace substance and patience.

Reply
drwayman link
3/12/2012 08:14:24

Dave - I have confidence that as you continue to lead your family, God will continue to lead you. Hang in there, it's worth it!

Reply
Brian link
1/30/2019 13:50:50

My pastor says the best way to get your child or spouse to listen to you in a disagreement is actually to lower your volume, even to a whisper. Rather than yelling that makes them want to get away from you, getting quieter makes them focus and lean in toward you to hear better what you are saying.

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