So you think pornography doesn't hurt anybody? (part two) - IRONSTRIKES

So you think pornography doesn't hurt anybody? (part two)

4/3/2012

If you remember from yesterday's post. We have an anonymous reader who sent me his story. He just said, "what has this cost me?"

"Everything! I lost my wife. I never got to see my kids grow up. I lost my ordination in the church. I lost friends and family who can no longer stand to be around me.

In the last several years I have lost jobs when employers found out about my past. I have had difficulty finding jobs, especially in the last couple years where everyone now does a background search.

I have to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life. When I move, my neighbors are informed of my crime and who I am, including a picture. I have been denied residency because of my crime. Every six months a sheriff's deputy shows up at my door to make sure I still live here. I have a felony conviction that denies me entry to other countries.

I have been asked not to attend two different churches including what I considered my home church. I attend church regularly, but now I will not fill out a visitor card for fear of being asked to leave. The church is a mega-church. 4,000+ attendance, and I don't know anyone there.

What I did was over 15 years ago, and I have lived a model life since. I haven't even had a speeding ticket since 1984. I pay all my bills on time. My faith in Christ has never dwindled. I know that without my faith, I would have ended it all years ago.

I knew I had a problem, but fear kept me from finding help. I never considered how much it would cost (myself and others). I told myself it would never happen again, but without counseling the cycle just continued.

I have always been kind of a loner. I never really fit in, so I have kept to myself. As a result, I have taken to living in isolation. I have no close friends, but I have 400+ facebook "friends." If they only knew... This is the beginning of my cycle... then depression...

How have I broken the cycle?

1.  Awareness - I was made painfully aware of my problem. I recognize that I have a propensity to porn and I avoid it.

2.  Admission of problem - I have admitted that I have a problem, and that it is a problem.

3.  Recognize cycle - In my four years of counseling, I learned to recognize that my failings came in cycles. I found that when that cycle was progressing toward sin, there were ways to avoid it, to break the cycle.

4.  Avoidance - I have used several things to prevent entering into my destructive cycle over the years. I can't say that it always works, but I have found that these help: 1) Turning off the TV or computer, 2) Prayer or read my Bible, and 3) Negative reinforcement ~ snapping a rubber band on my wrist (when I think about it)

5.  Redirection - Find something else to do. Go for a walk, fish, read, exercise. Anything healthy."

Anonymous will be reading your comments. So please let him know what you think...

The Seeking Disciple link

4/3/2012 03:13:16

What a sad story but all too true. Sin always destroys (James 1:12-15). Sin always leads to death (Romans 6:23). We tend to think that God is rigid that He seeks to keep us from sinning and we see this as keeping us from having fun. God's ways and His Word keep us from going down this destructive path that always leads to complete despair.

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Kevin Jackson link

4/3/2012 04:03:16

Thanks for being willing to share anonymous, and for your ideas on how to break the cycle. I found them helpful.

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drwayman link

4/3/2012 04:41:57

SD and Kevin J - Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Anonymous is a beloved brother in Christ and his courage to tell us his story will hopefully help some people from falling into sexual sin.

When I think of his story I'm reminded of my own sin and this verse found in I Tim 5:24, "The sins of some men are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them."

In the Dale paraphrase, I take that to mean that my sins that others know about don't bother me as much as the sins that just God and I know about.

I hope others comment on Anonymous' story...

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drwayman link

4/3/2012 09:37:55

Anonymous wrote:

"Thanks for the anonymity Dale. I hope that post will help someone.

One think I struggled with for a long time was 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." Where was my way out?

It says that God will provide a way out. It does not say that God will force me to take that way out. I still have the choice to accept that alternative path."

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Kevin Jackson link

4/4/2012 05:31:02

Dale, Thanks for your thoughts on 1 Tim 5:24, I was thinking something similar when reading the post, but didn't quite know the words to express it. There will be no secrets in the end. Along those lines, two passages that convict me are Matt 5:28 (when I look at a woman lustfully, I commit adultery in my heart), and Romans 2:1-16 (I condemn myself when I pass judgement on others, because I do the same things. I am storing up wrath for myself). What anonymous has gone through is heartbreaking and devastating. But it is only a foreshadowing of what will happen for every man when "God judges our secrets through Christ Jesus (Romans 2:16).

Thanks be to God for his provision of mercy in Christ Jesus!

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Gary Addison

10/9/2013 13:58:12

Thank you so much for your post anonymous.

I do not claim the ability to speak for others, but personally, I believe pornography is the great unspoken fetish of men and I believe many "Christian" men are snared in its tentacles of lust.

I believe many justify pornography thinking there are no victims.

Really? Do we think the woman there on the screen is just an object without a soul? An idol we bow to for our own unfettered pleasure.

We treat her God-given temple as our own sex toy.

And what about the man? Do we not condone his sin and dishonor his body as well.

For me, pornography is a sin with many victims.. And if it is a problem for anyone, it should be handled with the same honesty, and forthcoming of any other traditional addiction and is due all diligence to overcome it through the grace and power of our Lord.

Brother, I hold no judgment against you, and he who does, let him cast the first stone. I believe men only look down their brows at others, whose sin is "worse than mine", in order to make their own selves seem better than another lowly one "with sins far greater than my own".

How absurd to think one man is better in substance than another because of the color of his skin, or his nationality, or the extent and nature of his sin.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Rom. 3:23

I regret that I too know your story all to well. I can probably write every withheld and omitted line of it. I have felt the searing pain and agony of these arrows of ridicule and dejection you describe; but when I feel their sharp points pressing hard upon my heart, I cannot help but be reminded of another sinner...

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[c] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I am left to assume your condemners must consider themselves "true prophets" for they appear to have the supernatural power to know what manner of man you are and that you are a sinner.

But the True Prophet transcends their duplicity and arrogance and utters only, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Sins forgiven are heavenly, but there remains earthly restitution and amends to be made as well.

I am reluctant to speak only of His grace and neglect the holiness of His justice because I denied the addictive nature of my sexual behavior far too many times under the umbrella of God's forgiveness. "If I am forgiven, then why linger in the past, why say I am powerless."

I have since acknowledged that powerlessness and come to know the full power of His mercy to restore us. By His grace, I am being restored: thought by thought, moment by moment, day by day.

God bless you, Anonymous for your witness of his love for all sinners. Truly, His mercy endures forever.

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