No, what I’m talking about is a much more advanced course, a frank discussion where you explain the mechanics of how sex actually works to a young man who’s psychologically, mentally, and most important, spiritually prepared to hear about it. You not only have to allow plenty of time to get into all the nitty-gritty details, but you also want to be sure you give your son space to ask lots of questions. (And besides, let’s face it, Dads: When you’re super-expert Casanovas like we are, there are going to be lots of things that he’ll need explained.)
And if you’re thinking you just might try to dodge this session because you know it’s going to be weird and uncomfortable, let me tell you a little story that I hope changes your mind.
I have this buddy who was the king when it came to having the “sex talk.” Not only was this guy fearless, but he had a fantastic relationship with his son that he had been building up over years. When he was sure his son was ready, over the course of several different sessions, he would told him where babies really came from, how Dad and Mom had met, how they had gotten to know each other, how they fell in love, and how they were continuing to pursue God with their lives together. But apparently, he never really talked through the “how” of sex. Because one day, when he was routinely checking the Internet history on their computer, he found some porn videos. He checked the date and time when they had been downloaded, so he knew exactly who to go to to talk about it. When he confronted his boy with what he had discovered, his son responded with, “I just wanted to see how people actually have sex. I kind of got how sperm and eggs and all that stuff works from what you had told me, but I didn’t really get how they get together, and what goes where and stuff.”
This is just one reason why I encourage all dads to step into the pain. When your son is ready—which is NOT at six years old, by the way—talk them through the “how to’s” of sex. Explain the urges, what erections are and what causes them, foreplay, and orgasm, and come. You want my advice? Tell them as much as you can think of, including both the proper terms and the “vulgar” synonyms they might hear other people use.
Your relationship overall will ultimately benefit from your honesty during this series of conversations. And if you’re still not sure, or maybe you’re kind of second-guessing whether you should give them all this information, let me ask you to seriously consider these questions:
Where do you want them to learn this stuff? From a friend at school? From porn videos? From some girl they just met at a party?
Or would you rather be in control of the honesty and truthfulness of where they get their information?
This post was taken from the booklet Sex, Lust and XXX: Fighting for your kids' purity in a sex saturated world.