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What to do with your pain

1/6/2014

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What do you do with your pain? Some people nurse a hurt, an emotional wound, so that they can keep on feeling its effects. For some people, this continually confirms how wronged they were, thus transforming themselves into quite the saintly martyr. This is an unhealthy way to live your life -- it cannot heal your soul; it cannot lead you to express forgiveness; and it will stunt your spiritual growth. But these truths do not mean you have to ignore your pain, either. One way or another, you must do something about that pain.

Jesus rhetorically said: "Then will not God give justice to his chosen, to whom he listens patiently while they cry out to him day and night?" (Luke 18:7 Revised English Bible) Those who have experienced an injustice -- some act or words spoken toward you that have caused you emotional pain -- think that what they really crave is justice. I've caused much emotional (even psychological) pain in others, and God brought about justice. (Remember that God does not deal with our sins as they deserve, cf. Ps. 103:10.) But sometimes even the justice does not satisfy. Why?

The justice does not always satisfy all people because what some victims really want is not justice but revenge -- they want the one who wronged them to suffer like they have suffered. While we can admit that this is a human reaction, what we cannot admit is that it is a biblical or righteous reaction. Seeking justice is a right response, especially since God is just, meaning He is justice, righteousness, holiness. Should justice never be met in your situation then you will still need to confront and do something with your pain; it will not go away on its own, and it can cause you further harm if not dealt with.

If you have lived for any decent amount of time, you have probably hurt someone in some way, no matter to what small degree. Surely, you wanted mercy and forgiveness when you wronged the person. Certainly, upon reflection, you wished you had not even started down the road that led to your offense. You cannot ease the pain of the one you hurt. That person was then in the position of needing to learn how to cope with being hurt by you. Now, if you are in a similar situation, you have to learn how to cope with being hurt by someone else. For your own emotional and mental well-being, you need to learn what to do with your pain.

First, you must express that pain to the Lord in prayer. I would suggest telling Him exactly how that pain made you feel; express your anger, frustration, pain, helplessness, hopelessness and difficulty in forgiving the one who wronged you. Admit to the Lord that you find forgiving the person very, very difficult -- be honest and transparent.

Second, I suggest sitting in silence (1) and try meditating on the goodness of God toward us undeserving sinners who are in Christ Jesus. Begin remembering how Jesus said on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34 NIV) None of us deserved forgiveness; we are equally offenders all. Not one of us is any more righteous than another, for all sinned and continue to fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23).

Third, I would recall these words of Jesus: "For if you forgive others the wrongs they have done, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs that you have done." (Matt. 6:14-15 REB) Remember that while forgiving others may not be an easy task, such is the will of God, and that it will aid to your own healing.

The late Henri Nouwen encourages you -- out of his own deep, emotional pain -- to take the cup of sorrow you have been handed and to drink it fully (2). Take this pain that you have been given, embrace it, and then use it. Unless you own this sorrow, it will own you. This is the reality that was cast upon you -- begrudgingly, no doubt! Now, what will you do with this reality? Wrestle with it, overcome it, and then use it to your advantage. How? Others are also hurting. Show them what you have learned. Be for them a Christ-counselor.

Refusing to remain within a victim mentality, show them what an overcomer looks like. Testify to how God's goodness saw you through some of the darkest hours of your life. You'll be bringing Him glory and honor while also helping another hurting soul to heal. "Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (2 Cor. 1:3-4 NET)

If you find all of this to be very difficult, understand that is normal; yes, this is very difficult; it seems nearly impossible, and it takes much time and effort and prayer. Only in and through relying on Christ will you be able to heal and then help others. But also take some comfort in knowing that Jesus longs to see you come through this for His glory, your well-being, and the well-being of other hurting souls.

__________

1 Silence can be a wonderful aspect and agent of healing. Henri Nouwen writes: "This might come as a surprise, since being silent seems like doing nothing, but it is precisely in silence that we confront our true selves. The sorrows of our lives often overwhelm us to such a degree that we will do everything not to face them. . . .

"Silence is the discipline that helps us to go beyond the entertainment quality of our lives. There we can let our sorrows and joys emerge from their hidden place and look us in the face, saying: 'Don't be afraid; you can look at your own journey, its dark and light sides, and discover your way to freedom.' We may find silence in nature, in our own houses, in a church or meditation hall. But wherever we find it, we should cherish it. Because it is in silence that we can truly acknowledge who we are and gradually claim ourselves as a gift from God." Henri J.M. Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup? Tenth Anniversary Edition (Notre Dame: Ave Maria Press, 2008), 103-04.

2 Nouwen writes, "When we are fully committed to the spiritual adventure of drinking our cup to the bottom, we will soon discover that people who are on the same journey will offer themselves to us for encouragement and friendship and love." Ibid., 108.

This post was written by William Birch.  For the original post, go to:  http://classicalarminian.blogspot.com/2014/01/what-to-do-with-your-pain.html

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Sunday Meditation

12/1/2013

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If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.

It is easy to judge other people. Judgmentalism and blame come naturally to us. Other people's faults and failures are not difficult to identify. Many of us can remember a time in our lives when throwing the first stone was not just easy - it was what we thought good Christians were supposed to do.

One of the most dramatic changes which takes place early in the recovery process is an increase in self-awareness. We begin to see patterns in our own lives that need changing. We see our own self destructive tendencies. We see how we have brought pain to others. As these insights dawn on us, we begin to lay down our stones.

Of course, as our self-awareness increases, many of us attempt to refocus the blame and judgmentalism from others onto ourselves. We can blame and judge ourselves as ruthlessly as we may once have blamed and judged others. But it's not really progress in recovery to give up throwing stones. . and then start banging our heads against a stone wall.

Judgmentalism and blame are not helpful in recovery. What makes recovery possible is when increased self-awareness leads to an increased capacity to experience forgiveness. Gradually we learn to accept forgiveness from God and others. We receive mercy. As a result, we begin to treat ourselves and others with mercy.

It is increased self-awareness and the humility which self-awareness makes possible that are the soil in which true community can grow. When we accept ourselves as humans even though we struggle and sometimes fail, we can become far more gentle with ourselves and with others.

Lord, you know how quick I have been to throw stones.
Thank you for the self awareness that has allowed me to see more clearly that 
I am not without sin.
I know that I am in need of forgiveness.
Give me the courage to accept your forgiveness and mercy
and in this way begin to live in true community


Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery




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Is God waiting to punish you?

11/25/2013

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I know a Christian follower of Christ who tends to think that God is waiting around every corner, lurks behind every rock, in order to catch her making a mistake so that He can punish her. This poor woman thinks that the Lord actually does punish us according to our sins, even though Scripture teaches us the contrary: "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities." (Ps. 103:10 NRSV) That alone is great news! But the Psalmist continues: "For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him" (Ps. 103:11). If one can fathom the depth of space between the heavens from the soil of the earth, God's love for His children is deeper still. That, too, is great news! But the Psalmist continues further: "as far as the east is from the west, so far he removes our transgressions from us." (Ps. 103:12 NRSV) Considering that the east never meets the west, then our sins shall never again meet us in Christ.

I believe that we have barely scratched the surface of understanding and appreciating the love of God for us in Christ, or the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, or the blessings bestowed upon us in and through Christ. God is not eager to punish us for our sins; God is eager to forgive us our sins. The Psalmist continues still further: "As a father has compassion for his children, so the LORD has compassion for those who fear him. For he knows how we were made; he remembers that we are dust." (Ps. 103:13-14 NRSV) Too often we forget that God is for us: and if "God is for us, who is against us?" (Rom. 8:31) In other words, if God the Almighty Creator of the universe -- holy and just in nature -- is for us, then who of any greater value is against us, and why would that even matter? There is no one greater than God. So if He is for us, then no matter who is against, we shall prevail.

I fear that too many of us believers and followers of Christ still operate within the framework of works instead of grace. We have no inherent power to save ourselves; no inherent power to warrant forgiveness; no inherent power to perform the necessary means of atonement; no inherent power to live sinlessly; no inherent resurrection power; no inherent power to obtain the love and grace and mercy of God -- we are powerless. "For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly." (Rom. 5:6) We need to acknowledge and to own our powerlessness. 



The late Henri Nouwen, encouraging himself in his journal, writes: "Your willingness to let go of your desire to control your life reveals a certain trust. The more you relinquish your stubborn need to maintain power, the more you will get in touch with the One who has the power to heal and guide you. And the more you get in touch with that divine power, the easier it will be to confess to yourself and to others your basic powerlessness."   Did not the apostle Paul confess the same exact idea?

To the Roman Christians the apostle confessed our weakness and ineptitude at saving ourselves (Rom. 5:6); and to the Corinthian Christians he expounded upon the concept of weakness: "So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." (2 Cor. 12:9) People make many boasts, but usually they are of the nature of strength and ability. Paul, however, boasted of his powerlessness. 


Again, Nouwen writes, "One way you keep holding on to an imaginary power is by expecting something from outside gratifications or future events."

I just read that sentence today, and I had to read and re-read it again a few more times. I sensed a profound truth in it, concerning myself, but I couldn't fully grasp the connection. Then I understood that the "outside gratifications or future events" were themselves "an imaginary power" that were hindering me emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. 

Nouwen continues:
"As long as you run from where you are and distract yourself, you cannot fully let yourself be healed. A seed flourishes by staying in the ground in which it is sown. When you keep digging the seed up to check whether it is growing, it will never bear fruit. Think about yourself as a little seed planted in rich soil. All you have to do is stay there and trust that the soil contains everything you need to grow. This growth takes place even when you do not feel it. Be quiet, acknowledge your powerlessness, and have faith that one day you will know how much you have received."


I never had the power to force God to love me, to forgive me, to grow me. If I looked to others for personal or spiritual affirmation -- "outside gratifications" -- or some future event, such as a career, or a church office, or some other achievement in order to gain a sense of worth or approval, then all I have truly accomplished is a failed attempt at catching the wind. Either God redemptively loves me within His own self -- some attribute that derives from His nature -- or I remain powerless and hopeless for all eternity. No, God is not waiting to punish me or to punish you, brother and sister. Christ Jesus has already taken our punishment -- bearing upon Himself the wrath of God on our behalf on the cross of Calvary. If only I could convince that poor woman of these truths.


This post was written by William Birch.  You can find the original post here:  http://classicalarminian.blogspot.com/2013/11/is-god-waiting-to-punish-you-believer.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Forgiving the Church

10/28/2013

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When we have been wounded by the Church, our temptation is to reject it.   But when we reject the Church it becomes very hard for us to keep in touch with the living Christ.  When we say,  "I love Jesus, but I hate the Church," we end up losing not only the Church but Jesus too.  The challenge is to forgive the Church.  This challenge is especially great because the Church seldom asks us for forgiveness, at least not officially.  But the Church as an often fallible human organization needs our forgiveness, while the Church as the living Christ among us continues to offer us forgiveness.   

It is important to think about the Church not as "over there" but as a community of struggling, weak people of whom we are part and in whom we meet our Lord and Redeemer.

Written by Henri Nouwen:  http://www.henrinouwen.org



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Sunday Meditation

10/27/2013

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The Church often wounds us deeply.  People with religious authority often wound us by their words, attitudes, and demands.  Precisely because our religion brings us in touch with the questions of life and death, our religious sensibilities can get hurt most easily.   Ministers and priests seldom fully realize how a critical remark, a gesture of rejection, or an act of impatience can be remembered for life by those to whom it is directed.

There is such an enormous hunger for meaning in life, for comfort and consolation, for forgiveness and reconciliation, for restoration and healing, that anyone who has any authority in the Church should constantly be reminded that the best word to characterize religious authority is compassion.   



Let's keep looking at Jesus whose authority was expressed in compassion.


Written by Henri Nouwen:  http://www.henrinouwen.org

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Forgiving yourself

10/5/2013

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Peter was one of Jesus' closest friends, one of only three that were invited into his innermost circle. In Gethsemane, at his hour of greatest need, Jesus again took Peter aside, poured his heart out to him; he looked to Peter for strength. Three years of this, and who knows how many other stories. Peter must have known, I have a special place in Jesus' heart. So, how do you suppose Peter felt after he denied Christ—not just once, but three times? It must have been devastating.

After the resurrection, Jesus is on the beach with Peter and the others. It's a touching reunion. Following a night of lousy fishing, Christ yells out to the guys to let their nets down for a catch—just as he did that morning he first called them three years earlier. Again, their nets are bursting with the load. Just like the good old days. Peter leaps from the boat and swims to Christ. They have breakfast together. Reunited, laughing about the catch, relaxed, warmed by the fire and stuffed from breakfast, Jesus then turns to Peter.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep." (John 21:15-17)

What a beautiful story. Notice first that Christ does not let Peter sweep the whole matter under the rug. If this issue doesn't get addressed, it will haunt the old fisherman for the rest of his life. No, this must be spoken to. Most of us simply try and "put things behind us," get past it, forget the pain as quickly as we can. Really—denial is a favorite method of coping. But not with Jesus. He wants truth in the inmost being, and to get it there he's got to take us into our inmost being. One way he'll do this is by bringing up an old memory. You'll be driving down the road and suddenly remember something from your childhood. Or maybe you'll have a dream about a long-forgotten person, or event, or place. However he brings it up, go with him there. He has something to say to you.

This is an excerpt from the book, Waking the Dead by John Eldredge

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Forgetfulness

10/1/2013

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We're certainly warned about forgetfulness in Scripture, both in word and by example. 

In the Old Testament, the pattern is so predictable, we come to expect it. 


God delivers his people from the cruel whips of Egypt by a stunning display of his power and his care—the plagues, the Passover, the Red Sea. The Israelites celebrate with singing and dancing. Three days later, they are complaining about the water supply. God provides sweet water from the bitter desert springs of Marah. They complain about the food. God drops breakfast out of the sky, every morning. Then it's the water again. God provides it from a rock. Enemies attack; God delivers. On and on it goes, for forty years. As they stand on the brink of the Promised Land, God issues a final warning:

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. (Deut. 4:9,emphasis added)

They do, of course, let it slip from their hearts. All of it. This becomes the pattern for the entire history of Israel. 


God shows up; he does amazing things; the people rejoice. 

Then they forget and go whoring after other gods. 

They fall under calamity and cry out for deliverance. 

God shows up; he does amazing things; the people rejoice—you get the picture. 


Things aren't changed much in the New Testament, but the contrast is greater, and the stakes are even higher. 

God shows up in person, and before he leaves, he gives us the sacraments along with this plea: Do this to remember me. They don't—remember him, that is. Paul is "shocked" by the Galatians: they are "turning away so soon from God, who in his love and mercy called you to share the eternal life he gives through Christ" (1:6 NLT). He has to send Timothy to the Corinthians, to "remind you of what I teach about Christ Jesus in all the churches wherever I go" (1 Cor. 4:17 NLT).


This post is an excerpt from the book, Desire by John Eldredge.


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Forgiving your father

9/5/2013

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Time has come for us to forgive our fathers. Paul warns us that unforgiveness and bitterness can wreck our lives and the lives of others (Eph. 4:31; Heb. 12:15). 


I am sorry to think of all the years my wife endured the anger and bitterness that I redirected at her from my father. 



As someone has said, forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering the prisoner was you. 

I found some help in Bly's experience of forgiving his own father, when he said, "I began to think of him not as someone who had deprived me of love or attention or companionship, but as someone who himself had been deprived, by his father and his mother and by the culture." My father had his own wound that no one ever offered to heal. His father was an alcoholic, too, for a time, and there were some hard years for my dad as a young man just as there were for me.

Now you must understand: Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, but an act of the will. As Neil Anderson has written, "Don't wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made." 


We allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for "if your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete." We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and we choose to extend forgiveness to our father. This is not saying, "It didn't really matter"; it is not saying, "I probably deserved part of it anyway." Forgiveness says, "It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you."

And then we ask God to father us, and to tell us our true name.

This is an excerpt from the book, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge



BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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12 things your church needs to know about addicts

6/26/2013

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1. My clean time and my conversion date are not the same thing. I’ve been clean for 8 years, and a Christian for 13. I was a saved-by-grace, Bible believing Christian who was using drugs. If I relapse tomorrow I will still be a Christian, redeemed and forgiven.

2. I am alive because Christians showed me grace. Sure, I can pull off the soccer mom act now, if I want to. But there was a time when I was literally stumbling into church on Sunday mornings, looking to find God again after a particularly rough week or month or year. There were Christians who told me to smarten up and Christians who asked me to leave. But there were also Christians who welcomed me, bought me a cup of coffee after church, listened to me, mentored me, prayed for me, and bared their own souls and struggles when I felt alone.

3. When people tell me that they would love to hear my story, sometimes I feel more like a two-headed alien than a friend. Please don’t pry for the gory details of some of my most tragic moments. Someday I might tell you about the dark places I’ve been, but only when I know I can trust you — and that I can trust myself to tell the story for God’s glory and not my own wistful, dangerous reminiscence.

4. Please don’t tell me that you know what I’ve been through. I am thrilled to hear that you have found freedom over your own life controlling issues, but please don’t tell me that you know exactly what I’ve gone through. Let’s show one another more respect for our unique situations than to presume we know what each other has been through.

5. Addiction doesn’t always look like it does in tragic made-for-tv movies. Yes, I had a time in my life when I was the homeless punk kid passed out on the sidewalk. I also achieved a 4-point-0 at bible college while smoking crack. People rarely fit into their stereotypes.

6. Addiction is both a sin issue and a disease. Please Please Please hear what I’m saying on this one. Any treatment plan or advice that only tackles one side of the equation is more hurtful than helpful. Encourage addicts to get treatment for their disease; even if it is not faith based treatment. You wouldn’t tell someone with cancer not to visit a secular oncologist, or someone with diabetes to just try harder and read their bible more. In my experience, Christians who are struggling with addiction are well aware of their sin. They need hope, help and support, not condemnation.

7. Please stop using the word addiction to mean “affinity for”. You aren’t “addicted” to reality tv or strawberry frappucinos. Please don’t trivialize the pain that people struggle with every single day by referring to your hobbies and preferences as addictions.

8. I’m still an addict. 8 years clean and I still have to be very careful where I go, what I watch, and where I let my mind wander to. If I breathe in too slow sometimes I can almost for a moment taste and feel the drugs. Sometimes when that happens I pray that sin would not have dominion over me; other times I take another slow breath to try sadly and desperately to feel it again. The temptation doesn’t disappear just because I’ve been clean for years, which brings me to the next point…

9. Sometimes I just really want to get high. And for the most part I can’t tell people this because they think it means I’m about to relapse. If I do tell you I’m struggling, please don’t freak out.

10. And I am so much more than an addict. I am passionate and creative and opinionated. God is daily showing me bigger, better glimpses of who I am in Him.

11. Sometimes, deliverance is white knuckled work. I used to ask why God wasn’t setting me free from this in the powerful, miraculous ways he sometimes does. What I’ve come to see is that freedom is not the lack of temptation, it is the ability to stand against it. Everyday my weakness is made strong in Him.

12. My old life was full of lies. It was how I protected my addiction. So sometimes now I say things that are uncomfortably and painfully true. I have to. The whole “I’m okay, your okay” game we like so much to play in the church can mean certain death for an addict. Ultimately, it isn’t really good for anyone. I’m not okay, you’re not okay, we all have issues we are working through.

This post was written by Kelly.  You can find the original post at:  http://redandhoney.com/2013/06/12-things-an-addict-wants-the-church-to-know/


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.


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Loneliness

3/23/2013

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So often, a person only reveals a difficult period of his or her life after the event, while reflecting on the event. This is especially true of "testimonies" given at church. A person stands to thank the Lord for seeing her through a dark period of life; meanwhile, many people stare in wonder how most of the rest of us were unaware of her living through such an event. 

I, too, used to live a privatized life. If I was struggling through a rough patch in my life, I would keep it all to myself, unwilling to share my pain or difficulties. Part of the reason for my privacy was fear, part of it was shame, and another part was pride. 

I have decided not to live my life like that any longer. I intend on being transparent about my struggles. I think that in doing so I can honor the Lord, live a more honest and thus healthy life, as well as give comfort to anyone who may be experiencing the exact same feelings.

Over the last month or so I have felt loneliness unparalleled -- never have I felt this lonely. This lonely period began when I discovered that the only friend I had (in my area) was not really a friend, in the true sense of the word. Our relationship, unbeknownst to me, has never been one of true friendship but of convenience. If this certain person could not find anyone else to spend time with, then I would do. I was unaware that our so-called friendship was in this sad state of affairs. 

Now, in other periods of my life, I would have responded differently to this tragic state. But at this vulnerable point in my life, when I most need a close friend (with whom I can spend time and confide and share my thoughts and feelings, as well as reciprocate), I am left all alone and very hurt. The friend I thought I had was not really my friend at all.

I often picture loneliness as a chasm because that is how it feels -- like a space of emptiness that needs filling. "But the Lord should fill that chasm," some say. Well, that sounds nice; that sounds like the typical, Christian, spiritual-yet-superficial pat-answer to every situation. But I cannot see the Lord, nor can I audibly hear His voice, or hug or touch or punch and be playful with Him like I would a friend. 

The Lord gives us like-minded friends who can excite the senses: sight, sound, touch, smell (hopefully pleasant). "Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin" (Prov. 18:24 NRSV). In my present situation, little did I know that I had the former but not the latter. This present loneliness is also coupled with a deep sense of rejection. The one is as hard to bear as the other. 

What I am learning from this experience is how to choose a friend more wisely in the future. The saying is true: we cannot choose our family members, but we can choose our friends. Nor can we choose if or when loneliness will visit us: all of us, no matter our age or social status, are susceptible to a brief encounter with loneliness (or depression or rejection). Spouses and members of large families often sense loneliness as much as any single person; so the mere presence of people in our lives will not guard us from its grip.

Some people, when experiencing loneliness or depression, merely endure it instead of praying or calling someone or watching a movie or going for a walk; they merely sit and endure the grief and pain, the emotional and mental torment. For some, enduring these times is all they can do; they feel paralyzed by their emotions or mental state.

I know firsthand that there are many people in the world today, Christian and non-Christian, who are lonely and depressed. I know so because I receive their emails. None of us should deny the fact that at certain times in our lives we must drink the cup of loneliness. We do not like this cup. We try to avoid drinking the contents of this cup. But often we are forced to take this cup, press it to our lips, and drink.

I think the aversion we sense to such an experience is natural. We should not feel guilty because we try to avoid feeling lonely or depressed. However, Henri Nouwen has some sound advice:

Whenever you feel lonely, you must try to find the source of this feeling. You are inclined either to run away from your loneliness or to dwell in it. When you run away from it, your loneliness does not really diminish; you simply force it out of your mind temporarily. When you start dwelling in it, your feelings only become stronger, and you slip into depression.  The spiritual task is not to escape your loneliness, not to let yourself drown in it, but to find its source.1

Why finding the source of your loneliness is so very important, he admits, is because "it leads you to discern something good about yourself."2 

For me, that goodness is grounded in the fact that I consider myself worthy of friendship, with much to offer a friend. I despise this loneliness because it reminds me that I actually have been rejected, and it hurts.   

During Jesus' darkest hours in the garden at Gethsemane (lit. "the place of pressing"), He confessed to being deeply grieved, to the point of death, praying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me" (Matt. 26:39). Do we not pray the same prayer when we are facing some of the darkest hours of our lives? We all want our respective cups to pass from us. 

This cup of loneliness is mine to drink for now. No one else can drink from this particular cup. I must drink it, and I must drink it alone. A time will come when the contents of this cup will be depleted. I can then wash the cup, dry it, and place it back into the cupboard. I look forward to that day.   

1 Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom (New York: Image Books, 1998), 36.
2 Ibid.    
   

This truly honest post was written by William Watson Birch.  You can find the original post with comments here: http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/01/the-cup-of-loneliness.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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