My therapist told me that shame -- while a proper emotion when I've committed a shameful act -- carries the potential to confuse me into thinking that there is something wrong with me as a human being. For many people, guilt means "I've done something wrong." But shame means "I am something wrong." If shame is not properly assessed, it can potentially hold me captive, and hinder my progress both spiritually and socially.

In a different therapy session I learned about cognitive distortions. Alcoholics Anonymous grants the same concept a different name: stinkin' thinkin'. Cognitive distortions are thoughts that have been corrupted, distorted, or skewed in such a way as to produce error of reality.

An example of a cognitive distortion would be thinking that someone did not like me because when the person saw me in a public context he or she did not interact with me. The reality of the situation, however, could have had various potentials, none of which had anything to do with how the person feltabout me as a human being.

The danger with cognitive distortions is that they can manifest in a manner in which affects my feelings or emotions. In the above situation, I may have felt rejected because the person did not acknowledge me. This, in turn, could have led me to a desperate need for affection, whereby I looked for intimate and immediate gratification, either sexual or non-sexual, whether with another person or even through pornography. If acted upon, shame is but one result.

Such could have been avoided, though, by considering other options as to why the individual did not acknowledge me. For example, perhaps the person did not see me. Perhaps the person did not recognize me from a distance. Perhaps the person was distracted, being in a hurry, or preoccupied with thoughts of his or her own. But by allowing distorted, presumptuous thoughts to consume my mind, I allowed them to affect my emotions, which then led to wrong behavior, producing feelings of shame.  

Shame can act as a cognitive distortion when it is perceived as though something is wrong with me as a human being. Even in my context, when I sinned against my roommate last year, there was nothing wrong me as a human being. What was wrong within me were cognitive distortions. My corrupt thoughts regarding my roommate affected my feelings toward him, which, in turn, led me to behave in such a way that was sinful and disrespectful of him as both a human being and as a brother in Christ.

The public humiliation of my exposed sin only compounded my shame. I remember, however, a Southern Baptist pastor coming to me in private and encouraging me to find a way past the shame. He shared with me a time in his own life when he had to force himself to move past his own shame for a sin he had committed. He told me that I would be no use for the kingdom until I found a way past the shame.

From therapy I learned that the shame I felt was due to genuine contrition and repentance. I was able, upon months of reflection, to honestly and objectively view my actions as shameful without thinking of myself -- my very existence -- as shameful. I realized that my actions were triggered by my feelings, which were triggered by my cognitive distortions. Had I been thinking properly, or not entertaining distorted thoughts, I, and so many others, could avoided that nightmare I created.

From Scripture I learned that Jesus took the shameful behavior I committed against my roommate upon Himself, though He despised and scorned that shame, and then sat down next to His Father in glory (Heb. 12:2). My sinful, shameful behavior has been cleansed by the blood of Jesus, and I will never be held accountable for it by God. He accounts me as righteous (Rom. 3:21, 22), justified (Rom. 5:1), sanctified (Acts 26:18), and glorified (Rom. 8:30) in Christ, though I have sinned.  

By God's grace and mercy to me in Christ, I am forbidden to accept shame as my identity. I am allowed to feel ashamed of my sinful behavior; but in Christ, having received His forgiveness, I am not permitted to view my existence as one of utter, hopeless shame. Only the gospel of grace grants such overwhelming accomplishment over failure, grief, and shame. I hope that you, in and through union with Christ by the grace of God, will internalize these truths for yourself.   

This honest post was written by William W Birch.  For the original post with comments, go to:  http://www.classicalarminian.com/2013/02/saturday-devotion-shame-and-identity.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

“Now on the twenty-fourth day of this month the children of Israel were assembled with fasting, in sackcloth, and with dust on their heads.” Nehemiah 9:1 (NKJV)

There are a couple of things we need to understand about this verse. The first is that their sorrow for sin is in connection with hearing the Law. In Nehemiah 8 the Law was read and explained to them. As the Law was preached they were made aware of their transgressions of God’s Law and this brought a deep conviction upon them. Conviction of sin is almost always connected to hearing God’s Word.

The second thing we have to notice is their response to this conviction. They assembled while fasting and wearing sackcloth and dust on their heads. This was all a sign of great mourning for their sin. When you read the Scriptures, particularly the Old Testament you find that the people fasted when they were mourning over sin. I’m not 100% sure of the significance of fasting when accompanying mourning unless it was to show that they were so distraught over their sin that they couldn’t even eat. The significance of the sackcloth and ashes was that of humiliation. They were showing outwardly what was going on inwardly. Inwardly they were so grieved over their sin against God that they were humiliated by it. So they demonstrated their grief and humiliation by wearing a burlap sack and putting dirt on their heads.

Biblical repentance always includes a godly sorrow for the sins committed.

“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10 NKJV)

One of the things that’s important to take away from this passage is not all sorrow is a godly sorrow. The Bible says that there is a godly sorrow for sin that leads to repentance and salvation. There is also a worldly sorrow for sin that leads to death. We have to know the difference so that we can ensure that the sorrow we feel at our sin is the godly sorrow that leads to repentance and salvation.

Let me take a minute and explain what godly sorrow is not. Godly sorrow is not being sorry you were caught. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin is a result of someone finding out about your sins, you are not genuinely sorry for your sins. You are sorry you got caught in your sins.

Godly sorrow is not being afraid God is going to punish you for your sins. If the only sorrow produced in your life when you sin comes because you are afraid that God is going to break your leg, burn down your house, do something to your children or do something else to punish you, you are not genuinely sorry for your sin. You fear God’s punishment. To fear God’s punishment and to be sorry for sin is not the same thing.

To be sorry you were caught or be sorry because you are afraid of God’s punishment are examples of worldly sorrow that leads to death. The reason they lead to death is because they do not really turn us to God and they do not produce a change in our lives. When someone is sorry they were caught they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the shame of being caught remains. Once the shame is over the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing only this time they are more careful.

When someone is sorry because they are afraid of God’s punishment they are only sorry and only pretend to change while the fear of punishment remains. Once the fear of punishment is gone the change goes out the window and they go back to doing what they were doing before.

Godly sorrow is very different from this. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether anyone finds out or not. With godly sorrow we feel grief or sorrow for the sin committed whether God chastises us for that sin or not. Basically it means that you are sorry you committed the sin regardless of any other circumstances. It is to be sorry you have sinned against God.

In the world we live in one of the greatest crimes you can commit against humanity is to make someone feel bad about themselves. We live in a world where people feel they are entitled to always feel good. On the other hand the Bible teaches that if we sin against God, we won’t always feel good about ourselves because Biblical repentance always involves a godly sorrow for the sins we’ve committed against God.


This post was written by Rev Ross.  You can find the original post at:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/sorrow-for-sin/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

During the First Great Awakening Jonathan Edwards preached his famous message Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God.  Reports from this time say that Edwards wasn’t an eloquent speaker. Instead of walking around and preaching with dramatic flair, Edwards looked down at his manuscript and read this sermon in a flat and monotone voice. The reports from this time also say that as Edward preached men and women would hold on to the posts of the church for fear of dropping into hell. Others would stop of their ears and run screaming out of the church. Undeterred Edwards kept preaching. Edwards ended his sermon with this appeal, “Therefore let everyone that is out of Christ, now awake and fly from the wrath to come.”

Flee they did. Many fell on the ground and cried out for Christ to save them. While there is no official number of salvations during this time most estimates put the number in the thousands. From what I’ve read few of these were the flash in the pan decisions that don’t last once the emotional fervor wears off. Instead most of those who were saved during the Great Awakening lived faithful Godly lives the rest of their days.

For someone who has never seen men or women respond to conviction as it is described about the Great Awakening I can easily find myself saying, “Ah I bet that’s not quite how it happened.” The truth is though; there are Biblical examples of people responding in very similar ways. At the end of Peter’s sermon on the day of Pentecost the Bible says the people were cut to the heart and asked, “…what shall we do?” (Acts 2:37) The picture of being cut to the heart is very similar to what we hear about from the Great Awakening.

The question this leaves me with is why? Why don’t we see this sort response to conviction in our day? I’m convinced that one of the main reasons for this is that our culture has a low view of repentance. To many in our world repentance is simply asking God to forgive us for our sins, without any real plans to making the necessary changes in our lives that will prevent us from falling into that sin again. We are like a guy I saw in a movie once. He said something like, “I like to sin. God likes to forgive sin. It’s a very good arrangement.”

Biblical repentance isn’t just asking God to forgive us for our sins. Let’s be honest, we can ask for forgiveness and still remain unchanged. In Scripture we see several examples of people who confessed, “I have sinned” and yet this really didn’t mean a thing to them. Let me remind you of a couple of these.

In the book of Exodus, Pharaoh was overwhelmed with the plagues that came upon him because of his hardened and sinful heart, and he cried out and said, “I have sinned” (Exodus 9:7 and 10:16).  But he didn’t really mean it because he never let the people go. In the book of Numbers, the heretical prophet Balaam said, “I have sinned” (Numbers 22:34), but his repentance wasn’t sincere because he still tried to help Balak cause the destruction of the Israelites.

In the book of Joshua, Achan said, “I have sinned” (Joshua 7:20), but it was too late; he said it only because he was caught and it did not represent heartfelt repentance. In the book of 1 Samuel, King Saul said, “I have sinned,” (1 Samuel 15:24), but it did not come from a humble heart.  He was still speaking in defiance and pride. In the book of Matthew, Judas said, “I have sinned for I have betrayed innocent blood” (Matthew 27:4), but he didn’t really repent. Instead he went out and killed himself.

My favorite definition of repentance is that repentance is a change of mind about God and sin that results in a change of life. Biblical repentance always brings about change in our lives. Repentance involves total change in the direction of our lives. We turn from our sin and we turn to God with the intention of forsaking the sin and serving God. This will obviously require more from us than shedding a couple of tears and asking God to forgive us. It will require a total change in our outlook, our expectations and our commitments.

When you read the Bible and see the messages of John the Baptist, Jesus and Paul you don’t find a shallow view of repentance. Jesus called on repentant people to deny themselves, take of their cross and follow Him. John the Baptist and Paul both called on people to repent of their sins, believe the Gospel and then do works that demonstrated their repentance.

Another way we see this shallow view of repentance is in the way that it’s almost seen as optional by many in our day. In fact there is a whole movement of people who teach that repentance is not necessary at all at any time in your life. I personally find this attitude fascinating considering that in Luke 13 Jesus says “Lest you repent you will likewise perish.” Jesus didn’t get the memo that people didn’t have to repent and so He went around and commanded people to repent. Not to mention that in Acts 17 we are told that God commands all men everywhere to repent (Acts 17:30).

This may lead us to wonder what Biblical repentance looks like. That’s what I’m going to talk about tomorrow.

This post was written by Rev Ross.  For the original post, go to:  http://stacyjross.wordpress.com/2012/11/08/repentance/


BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Are you, believer, the sum total of your actions or choices? Does behavior always follow beliefs? Who are you? What defines you? Who defines you? Who do you allow to define you? How we answer these questions individually will, no doubt, vary; but answer them we must, at some time and in some manner, if we are to understand not only who we are but whose we are.

After the LORD had graciously caught me in my sin, I remember an officer telling me, after I had quite the breakdown in front of her: 

"This act does not define you. This is something that you did, not who you
 are." I was not expecting her to tell me that, and I will not soon forget it.

I have come to learn that many times our various behaviors and decisions do not always consistently follow our beliefs. We can be quite inconsistent creatures. We can believe and reason in one manner, holding tenaciously to our beliefs, and then behave in the exact opposite manner, thus betraying our beliefs.

Some people often quote Proverbs 23:7 from some semblance of the King James Version: "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." Contextually, however, that is not a proper concept, and there are better translations which accurately capture the essence of this proverb: "Do not eat the bread of the stingy; do not desire their delicacies; for like a hair in the throat, so are they. 'Eat and drink!' they say to you; but they do not mean it" (Prov. 23:6-7 NRSV).

Or, for another example: "Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. 'Eat and drink!' he says to you, but his heart is not with you" (Prov. 23:6-7 ESV). This man makes one statement with his mouth, but in his heart, he is not being honest. He offers a nice gesture, but he does not really want to grant the offer. 

In other words, he appears genuine and generous, but inwardly he is uncharitable. What he feels and thinks inwardly is not how he appears outwardly. Others may think of him as generous and even thrust such an identity upon him. But generous is not his true nature; stinginess and greed are in his heart. When he appears generous, he is acting against his true desires. 

Do you wonder what people think of you? Do you wonder what identity people thrust upon you? Those with low self-esteem believe people think very lowly of them. People who think much of themselves believe others think very highly of them. There may be a small amount of necessity as to what others think of us. "A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold" (Prov. 22:1 NRSV). But who we are in Christ Jesus is what matters most. 

Moreover, not who we are but whose we are is of utmost importance. Even if the societal perception of us is less than pleasant, God's perception of us is paramount. If we have trusted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, God views us as holy and blameless (cf. Eph. 1:4). We are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus (2 Cor. 5:21). What is the righteousness of God?

The word righteousness -- dikaiosuné -- refers to justice, just or justness (link). From the word dikaiosýnē, it refers to being judicially approved, what is deemed right by the Lord and what is approved in His view. For all my wrongs, I am right from God's perspective, by grace through faith in Christ Jesus. Though I have sinned, I am counted as sinless in Christ.

Now that is an identity perspective in which I can rejoice! My past behaviors donot define me, nor do they define you. I am not the sum total of my respective decisions and actions from God's perspective, and in Christ neither are you. Moreover, I will not allow others to dictate my identity, and neither will you. Our actions are merely symptoms. Jesus is the solution and cure.  

This post was written by William W. Birch.  For the original post go to:  http://www.wpfences.com/2012/10/actions-and-identity.html

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

Do all that you can to live at peace with everyone.  

We have settled into our new home.  Having terrific neighbors at our last home, I think that we are a little spoiled.  

Now we have a new house, new neighborhood and a new neighbors.  That means making new friends and experiencing life differently.

But, I have a confession.  

This post is written selfishly. 

 We need your prayers.  

I don't know what to do about our neighbors on one side.  

They have an automatic sprinkler system.  The sprinkler keeps our side yard wet, making it hard to catch a dry time to mow.  Also, one sprinkler hits one of our windows, causing it to be water spotted and needing to be cleaned often.  

Karyn asked them (very nicely)  to contact their sprinkler guy and have the one sprinkler adjusted.  The next day, the neighbor returned our house key (we had previously asked them to hold a key for us in an emergency).  I could be reading that behavior all wrong but it appeared that they didn't appreciate us asking them to adjust the sprinkler and expressed that by returning our house key.    We want to be good ambassadors for Christ and don't want to come across as nit picky but we just got tired of looking thru a water  spotted window.

What do we do?

I am reminded of a story in the book, Sit Walk Stand by Watchman Nee:

 "A brother in South China had a rice field in the middle of the hill.  In time of drought he used a water-wheel, worked by a tread-mill, to lift water from the irrigation stream into his field.  His neighbor had two fields before his, and, one night, make a breach in the dividing bank and drained all his water.  When the brother repaired the breach and pumped in more water his neighbor did the same thing again, and this was repeated three or four more times.  So he consulted his brethren. 'I have tried to be patient and not retaliate,' he said, 'but is it right?'  After they had prayed together about it, one of them replied, 'If we only try to do the right thing, surely we are very poor Christians.  We have to do something more than what is right.'  The brother was much impressed.  Next morning he pumped water for the two fields below, and in the afternoon pumped water for his own field.  After that the water stayed in his own field.  His neighbor was so amazed as the action that he began to inquire the reason and in course of time he too became a Christian."  

I think about that story because it involves water and there is a principle there that applies to our situation.  

Is it right to ask for a wrong to be righted?  

What behavior honors Christ and our neighbors?  

Our current plan is to continue to be nice to them and continue to strike up conversations when we are outside.  Also, we will continue to pray how to resolve this situation.

I know that there are plenty of world issues that are much bigger than this small little issue but we want to represent Christ well.  

So, when you read this today, would you take a few moments to pray for us?  

Ask that God would work so that our neighbors see Jesus in this situation.

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

"I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son'. . . But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him."

It is difficult to think and feel about ourselves in Godly ways. Many of us think that the prodigal son got it right. He had a well-practiced speech: "I am no longer worthy". How like our speeches to ourselves! If you hear about your unworthiness often enough, especially in childhood, and if you internalize the speech thoroughly, it becomes a part of you. Many of us know this particular speech so well that we can feel unworthy for no particular reason. We do not feel unworthy because of something we have done or said. We feel unworthy because of who we are. Many of us even think that the more unworthy we feel, the more likely the Father will be to welcome us back home!

But the Father responds quite differently from the prodigal's expectations. The Father was 'filled with compassion' and he ran to his son and he kissed him. When the prodigal finally got his speech out, the Father did not spend time arguing the point. Instead he 'honored' the son with a robe, a ring and a feast. He treated the prodigal in ways designed to build a very different kind of self understanding.

Our goal is to learn to think and feel about ourselves in ways that are consistent with the way God thinks and feels about us. God's perspective is a surprising contrast to our own. God does not join our internal chorus which is so persistent at proclaiming our unworthiness. Instead God says "You are my child. You are loved!"

Lord, I have not learned to think and feel about myself in healthy ways.
Teach me to think and feel about myself 
in ways that are consistent with the way you think and feel about me!
Help me to listen when you say "I love you".
Help me to take it in.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. 

There are three common but unhelpful ways of dealing with our failures and sins. 

First, there is denial. We tell ourselves that everybody has problems, so it doesn't really matter. Nothing of any value comes from this effort to cover-up. 

A second unhelpful strategy is to blame others for what has happened. This can range from different versions of 'the-devil-made-me-do-it' to 'I'm just a product of my environment'. Nothing of any value comes from this effort to cover-up. 


Thirdly, instead of turning the emotional energy outwards in blame we can turn it against ourselves as self-loathing. We see ourselves as monsters and what we have done as unforgivable. Nothing of value comes from this effort to atone for our own sins.

God invites us to another path. God invites us to be transformed. God invites us to stop denying, blaming and catastrophizing about our lives. In order to change and grow we need to face the reality of our actions and attitudes. 

We need to understand that our sins are like scarlet, like crimson. 

They are life-draining. Destructive. 

But we are forgivable. We are invited to receive forgiveness. 

And we are invited to change. 

The life-draining behaviors that we have pursued can be changed. Changed from bright red to snow white. We do not have to let denial, blame and shame lock us into destructive, hurtful patterns. We can be clean and sober. 

White as snow. 

Forgiven.

Lord, free me from denial.
The pretense is choking me to death.
Lord, free me from blame.
It's not working for me anymore.
Lord, free me from self-loathing
The shame is killing me.
Help me to face the truth.
Help me to accept your offer of forgiveness and change.
Make me white as snow.
Make me as clean and pure as new wool.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
National Association for Christian Recovery

Nobody likes to be lectured.

The pointing fingers.

The condescending tones.

The questioning of motives.



The bombardment of facts and statistics.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Even if I’m 100% wrong and I know it, being lectured makes me feel powerless and stupid. And in all honesty, it triggers my desire to rebel not to conform. To roll my eyes. To do the opposite, or to disengage and do nothing at all. A good ol’ fashioned lecture never made me want to change anything about myself. In fact, it usually makes me want to dig in my heels and grab back the position of power. To fight lecture with a good lecture of my own!

Is it just me, or do we seem to have become a society of lecturers? Nothing made that more clear to me than this little chicken controversy that’s been floating around for the past few weeks.Maybe you heard about it?

• We lectured Chick-Fil-A on their gay-marriage position with pickets, insults, and even government threats.
• We lectured those who lectured Chick-Fil-A with pithy facts about how they treat same-sex couples in other countries.
• We lectured those who lectured the original lecturers of Chick-Fil-A with jabs about how Christians will line up to eat chicken but never serve at a homeless shelter.

(And now I guess it could be argued that I’m lecturing them all).

Social media was alive with quotes, stats, and funny little insults that either caused you to erupt with smug laughter and a massive re-posting campaign, or boiled your blood in leftover waffle fry grease sending you to the cloud for a stellar comeback.

Here’s my concern. We might be able to force others to bend to our ways, our perspectives, or our lifestyle. But unless there is a change of heart, it’s all just a byproduct of persuasion or power.True transformation is never triggered by insult, condescension, mockery, or stellar debate techniques. What if there was another way?

It seems to me Jesus engaged in conversation not condemnation, all without muddling the definition of truth. He is the truth (John 14:6).

What if we asked more questions instead of making imperative demands? What if we learned stories instead of categorizing people into issues? What if we stopped lecturing and started listening?

The Bible gives us rules, commands, and standards by which to live, with the full knowledge we are completely incapable of keeping them. That’s why Jesus came. Not to lecture us into alignment with His Kingdom, but to do in us what we cannot do for ourselves. To change our hearts from the inside out, not just bend our perspectives on important issues like chicken-gate.

“God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.” -John 3:17 MSG

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” -Ephesians 3:20-21 MSG

This post was written by Rev. Cooper.  You can find the original post here:  http://beyondtherisk.com/2012/08/08/dont-you-just-love-to-be-lectured/

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

New favorite song by Tenth Avenue North.  The title is LOSING.  Terrific truth and honesty and the composition is just riveting.

Here are the lyrics:

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong?

Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love. This is hate. 
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times

Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
But I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love. This is hate. 
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father, won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' 
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin' (oh no)

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up, but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and them it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of Mercy and Your Grace, Father, send Your angels down (singin')

Oh, Father, won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doing (oh, no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing

Oh Father won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'

 http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tenth_avenue_north/#share