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Test your fantasy life

4/24/2012

Choose yes or no in response to the following questions:

Can you only become sexually aroused if you imagine having sex with someone other than your partner?

Do you use fantasy to make up for what you believe is missing from your love life?
When you are troubled or anxious do you tend to turn to sexual fantasies to forget about your problems?
Do your sexual fantasies involve activities that you wouldn't dare do in real life?
Are your fantasies such that you would never share them with your spouse?
Do your sexual fantasies occupy a lot of your working hours, taking you away from other activities?
Do you believe deep down that your fantasies hurt your relationship with your spouse, causing you to be unhappy or dissatisfied with your marriage?

If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, your fantasy life is not healthy and is undesirable. The more questions you answered yes, the greater a problem your fantasy life is to your sexuality.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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What to do when you find yourself sexually attracted to another woman

4/19/2012

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1. Avoid being alone with her. Ensure that your spouse is with you whenever you must be with this person. If not, tell your spouse ahead of time and/or immediately afterward.

2. Stop fantasizing about being with her romantically and/or sexually.

3. Don't open Pandora's box by telling her that you are sexually attracted to her. It will only complicate matters more. She may turn around and accuse you of harassment.

4. Share your feelings of attraction with a close friend who can hold you accountable.

5. Take responsibility for all your actions. You are not to blame for your feelings but you are responsible for the actions that follow your feelings.

6. Try to look at the whole picture. A few moments of passion can lead to a lifetime of regret and hurt.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Hints for controlling lust

4/18/2012

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- Own up to your lust and admit it is a problem that needs to be controlled. Don't excuse it. Don't rationalize it away. Just be honest with yourself.

- Don't feed your lust. Cut out anything in your life that feeds it. Don't dwell on thoughts that foster it. Dispose of all sources of stimulation that provoke your lustfulness.

- Develop alternative diversionary strategies. Find a hobby or activity that you can turn to when your feelings of lust become overwhelming.

- Change your beliefs about sexual lust. Remind yourself that pictures are only pictures, not people, and that you don't have a right to take anyone you desire to bed with you in your imagination.

- Observe how others who have allowed their lust to go too far have fallen and learn your lesson from their failures, not your own. Prevention is better than cure.

- Try to find the underlying reason for your lust, beyond just blaming it on your "strong sex drive." Lots of men have a strong drive, but are not dominated by lust. Were you love-deprived as a child? Sexually abused/dominated? Getting these repressed reasons out into the light can help free you from their hidden power.

- If you cannot bring your lust under control, get professional help.

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

BE HOLY.
BE A MAN.

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Male sexuality: Myths, misconceptions and misinformation - Answers

4/17/2012

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Yesterday, we had a quick quiz on nine commons areas of male sexuality. Today, we are giving the answers.

1. FALSE. Some start as early as eleven. Generally, though it
is between fourteen and seventeen.

2. FALSE. Many physical reasons can cause impotence, including hardening of the penis arteries, disease, medication and hormonal fluctuations.

3. TRUE. Many elderly people report strong sexual interests into old age.

4. FALSE. Often psychological reasons (guilt) may inhibit orgasm but so can temporary stress in most men.

5. FALSE. Reflex circuits, such as when the bladder is full, can cause nocturnal erections.

6. TRUE. Forget about trying an aphrodisiac. The best love-producer is old-fashioned caring and tenderness.

7. FALSE. No evidence supports this belief. Sex serves many functions but normal sex does not drain energy.

8. TRUE. In older men, men with certain physical conditions or with certain medications, the ejaculant goes into the bladder (retrograde ejaculation) due to the valves not working properly. The ejaculant is expelled with urine. There is nothing wrong with this unless the man and his wife are trying to conceive.

9. TRUE and FALSE. Men have been known to have heart attacks during sex but also during sleep. Sex is no more risky than mild exercise but men should get treatment anyway for any heart problem.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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Male sexuality: Myths, misconceptions and misinformation

4/16/2012

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Here is a quiz to test your knowledge about male sexuality. Don't be surprised if you get many of the answers wrong. You're in good company, because many studies have shown that the average person knows little about sexuality and even less about male sexuality.

Answer True or False to the following questions:

1. The earliest age at which the average male adolescent has sexual intercourse is fourteen.

2. Impotence, or difficulty sustaining an erection, is always psychological in origin.

3. Sexual desire and sexual activity in the male often extend well into old age.

4. A man's failure to achieve orgasm is a sign of dysfunction.

5. When a man experiences an erection while sleeping it is because he is having a sexual dream.

6. There is no food or drink that is especially effective as an aphrodisiac.

7. Sex the night before a sports event will drain an athlete's energy.

8. A man can reach orgasm without ejaculating.

9. Sexual intercourse is dangerous for a man who has had a heart attack.

Tomorrow we will discuss the answers.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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How men and women view sexuality

4/12/2012

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Women like to touch. Men like to feel.
Women enjoy courting. Men prefer to get on with it.

Women like to talk about their love. Men prefer to show it by their actions.
Women like the ambiance to be right: subdued light, candles, soft music, and maybe even having the TV on during sex.
Women like to take their time, savoring each moment, each touch. Men are "get it over quickly" compulsives.
Men like morning sex. They're rested and wake up with an erection. Women prefer a late-evening rendezvous with time for preparation.
Men want sex more frequently than women. Quantity is preferred over quality for men.
Men are adventurous. They like to explore and experiment. Women find one way that is most comfortable and prefer to stick with it.
Men take sexual rejection very personally, no matter how gently it is presented. Their masculinity is integral to their sexuality.
On this one terrific point, men and women don't differ: they both derive tremendous excitement from seeing their partners being satisfied.

Taken from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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Am I normal? - Answers from the quiz on sex for men

4/10/2012

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Yesterday, we took a quiz on sex for men. Today, we will explore the answers:

1. Somewhat true. Regardless of what some say, many men say they felt forced into unwanted sex to either prove themselves or comply with peer pressure.
2. True. Data suggests that "very religious" men are more vulnerable to sexual sin than "religious men."
3. True. High cholesterol can inhibit full erections.
4. False. Men do not experience menopause. Hormones decline gradually but the majority of men remain sexually interested until they die. However, frequency of sexual behavior does decline.
5. False. At first, when married, men decrease the frequency of their masturbation. However, the behavior of masturbating to pornography that was learned in adolescence is often difficult to break.
6. True. Men in American culture are obsessed with giving and receiving oral sex. However, many women find this type of sexual activity quite repugnant.
7. False. When men get married, lust does not subside. Men must learn to redirect their arousal back to their spouse.
8. True. A sexually repressed upbringing creates excessive guilt around sexual feelings and may set up an obsessive need for masturbation.
9. D. Most men think about sex several times a day, often several times within the same hour. This does not change as a man grows older.
10. D. 70% of men complain that they don't get enough sex compared with 58 % of women.
11. B. The average American male has his first sexual encounter at age 16. However, as the age of puberty continues to drop, there are reports that many males have their first experience at age 11 or younger.
12. D. Most males have their sexual beliefs shaped by pornography. Exposure begins before age 13. Pornography distorts a man's view of how women feel about sex and what can be reasonably expected from sex and sets them up for disappointment. Real women cannot possibly measure up to the air-brushed, color-enhanced, glossy photography that pornography teaches men is the standard.

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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Am I normal? - A quiz on sex for men

4/9/2012

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Men have many concerns. One of every man's concerns is wondering if he is normal, especially in regard to his sex life.

Ponder your answer to these questions, and tomorrow, we will discuss the answers:

The first eight questions are answered "TRUE" or "FALSE"

1. More men that women have experienced unwanted sexual intercourse.
2. More "very religious" men cheat on their wives than religious men.
3. Just as fat in the bloodstream can block arteries in the heart, so it starts to block blood flow in the penis preventing adequate erection.
4. Men also experience a male menopause.
5. After marriage, most men stop masturbating.
6. According to most sex counselors, what most men complain about is not getting enough oral sex.
7. Getting married remedies all the problems men have with lust.
8. Boys who were sexually repressed while growing up are more likely to become obsessed with masturbation and pornography when they are grown up.

Choose which answer you believe is most correct for the remaining four:
9. How often does the healthy, average male think about sex?
a) once a month, b) once a week, c) once a day, d) once an hour
10. How many men complain that they don't get enough sex?
a) 20%, b) 35%, c) 50%, d) 70%
11. The average age at which the American male first has sex is:
a) 14, b) 16, c) 18, d) 20
12. From where does the average young male learn about sex:
a) parents & siblings, b) friends, c) books, d) pornography

Adapted from The Sexual Man: Masculinity without guilt

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Test your fantasy life

What to do when you find yourself sexually attracted to another woman

Hints for controlling lust

Male sexuality: Myths, misconceptions and misinformation - Answers

Male sexuality: Myths, misconceptions and misinformation

How men and women view sexuality

Am I normal? - Answers from the quiz on sex for men

Am I normal? - A quiz on sex for men

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